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Why I Hate Liking You

by LiNdSeYo7


I hate this feeling inside of me,
I hate blushing when you pass by,
I hate having to go out of my way,
Just to see you & say ‘hi’.

I hate calling when you don’t pick up,
I hate it when you’re on my mind,
I hate that I constantly notice you,
But when I’m around, you’re blind.

I hate that you’re so hard to get,
I hate how easily you'd have me,
I hate wishing upon every star,
Knowing that ‘we’ may never be.

This needs help.. Just a basic idea for a poem?


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Tue May 13, 2008 8:24 pm
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Jesse wrote a review...



As soon as i read this i thought about that one person for me. I got over her now anyway. Thank god :) haha.

All I have to say is that you could maybe reduce the amount of "I hate" while still getting the point across.

Also in the first stanza personally i would use "Hey" instead of "Hi" to finish it off.




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Thu May 08, 2008 2:05 pm
fallenangel1239 says...



thats pretty good. I can relate to it a lot.
"knowing that 'we' may never be"
that something that im sure a lot of people can relate to




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Thu May 08, 2008 4:25 am
Ross wrote a review...



I agree with Summerless. The way you can make it longer is to show, not tell. Have the reader experience the burning cheeks of a blush or the irritation when this crush doesn't pick up. Also, the '&' needs to be replaced with 'and'. It sounds more professional.

I agree and disagree with Summerless about the good parts. The "knowing that 'we'..." is good, but very cliche. Replace it with something stronger and less overused. I like the last one too, but that is cliche also. Change the wording a little bit.

Good start, but needs some work.

Grade: C-




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Wed May 07, 2008 4:37 am
Summerless wrote a review...



Critique

I hate wishing upon every star,


That is so cliché. Take it out.

Most of this is telling. If you left it at this on purpose, good job. If you were trying to show everything... It didn't really work.

The title is kind of boring since you list all the reasons why this person is being hated.


Compliment

Knowing that ‘we’ may never be.


I love that part. It makes perfect sense and it adds a little twist to the flow of the poem (for the better) because it rhymes.

I hate that I constantly notice you,
But when I’m around, you’re blind.


That is my second favorite part (the "'we' may never be" is my first fav).
You should take out the comma, though, because it's not needed.


Nice work and I enjoyed reading it.

- Summerless <3~




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Tue May 06, 2008 2:47 pm
Someguy says...



It's nice, where u go and use a ABCB rhyme scheme and then all of the it changes in the last stanza. Pretty cool.

I like the way you always say how you hate it.

I'm not much of a romance poet, but I liked this.




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Mon May 05, 2008 9:58 pm
ringettegirl says...



I loved it!!!!!
I love how I can really relate to that poem!!!
Once again I loved it!!!!




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Mon May 05, 2008 6:14 pm
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Demeter wrote a review...



I was going to review an other poem when I saw your title and thought, "I have to go read that one!!"

I liked this. Especially the line "I hate wishing upon every star" - oooh it's just so great!
And I liked that it rhymed and wasn't awkward because of trying to find suitable rhyming words - good!

Some critique: "&" doesn't look good in a poem (or actually anywhere) so put "and" instead. You don't have to use quotation marks in "just to say you & say 'hi'" and "'we' may never be", it'd work well without them.

Nice job, Lindsey!

All the best from
Demeter




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Mon May 05, 2008 3:44 pm
soconfused4512 says...



I lov your poetry i am this situation right now so please review my poetrry




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Mon Feb 18, 2008 12:15 am
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aestar101 says...



I like the the teen agnst and the grit in this poem.




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Sun Feb 03, 2008 2:39 am



Great job. Its simple but gets what you want to say across in a way that everyone can relate to it. I know that this isn't very helpful but I can't think of anything to change.




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Sun Feb 03, 2008 2:21 am



A basic and slightly familiar poem.

Now, as for specific form, I don't see the meter itself. Say... a 6 6 7 6 structure. While sound in meaning, it just doesn't follow form.




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Sat Feb 02, 2008 8:11 am
Snoink wrote a review...



Oh my... this is an old poem. It's quite amazing how you've progressed throughout the years. You've progressed a long way from this sort of ranty non-poem thing to some really pretty poetry. :)




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Sat Feb 02, 2008 8:07 am
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BrightBlueDimond wrote a review...



I can relate to the whole poem and i think that's good (to find people that'll read it and then be able to know exactly what your writing about). I really like this poem, i think you've made a really good start. Mabe the poem could stay as it is ? Or you could add another verse.. ? Up to you. I'd like both. (: X




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Thu Jan 31, 2008 2:00 am
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omgafilangi wrote a review...



I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you’re not around,
and the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
not even close…
not even a little bit…
not even at all.


Sound familiar? Well its from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You if you haven't seen it. This poem made me think of that one...but not in a good way. It's the exact same idea and almost the same format. Even if you havent seen that movie, its a bit cliche. It's true that a lot of people can relate...but I also think that any one of them could have written this same poem.

Basically, I'm not sure what you can really FIX about this...I just don't think its terribly original.




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Wed Jan 30, 2008 5:11 pm
LoveableLittleSock wrote a review...



I hate this feeling inside of me,
I hate blushing when you pass by,
I hate having to go out of my way,
Just to see you & say ‘hi’.

I hate calling when you don’t pick up,
I hate it when you’re on my mind,
I hate that I constantly notice you,
But when I’m around, you’re blind.

I hate that you’re so hard to get,
I hate how easily you'd have me,
I hate wishing upon every star,
Knowing that ‘we’ may never be.

Wow. Great poem. Really. Its very well written and a lot of people feel the same way as the narrator. I can totally relate to you.




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Thu Dec 09, 2004 4:16 pm
Chevy says...



i can relate to this poem as well and i think it would make a beautiful slow song...keep up the good work.

~bestsellers.proboards31.com~




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Wed Dec 08, 2004 10:13 pm
Wulie says...



I can relate to that poem so much...
its very good




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Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:56 pm
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Matt Bellamy wrote a review...



LiNdSeYo7 wrote:I hate that I constantly notice you,
But when I’m around, you’re blind.

I can relate completely. I think a lot of people can. Also, "Knowing that ‘we’ may never be"-that's good. You handled something we can all relate to in an effective way without going all teen angsty. Nice one.





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