Some say math is the basis of life.
But no,
I say it's words.
Numbers tell you which goes where,
and how to run things.
But, oh…not words.
Words convey emotions,
in ways numbers do not dare.
Can numbers break a person’s heart?
Can numbers lie?
Numbers tell us how things work,
words tell us why.
Words can drive a person mad,
Then over to happy and sad.
You cannot live well without words,
but numbers you can do without quite well.
Numbers are just numbers,
so less complex than words.
Words are letters arranged a certain way,
the letters show depth that only words can convey.
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139,456 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
I found your poem interesting with all your ideas about words and numbers.
It kept me interested and I found the topic unusual, yet magical at that same time.
I have nothing big to say, but i think it would have helped if you had rhymed every line with the other or the last. It would have mad it more interesting.
Have fun!
shanan-cat!
Oh yay! Cool! I like it. Good luck with your open mic thingie! I SO agree with this. Numbers are just lame in comparison to words. ^_^ Words = Life.
~Yoyo
Good job, I love it! It's simple yet has a great message. Good word choices as well (:
It doesn't suck it was good and it is meaningful.
loved it and removing yourself from a poem isnt always the best idea to comment on something someone else said
I LOVED this so much. This has to be the best poem i've ever read on YWS, if i didn`t already agree with you when i started reading the poem, then you would have had me persuaded by the end
I asked myself these very same questions when my math teacher told me that math rules the world, and i felt like like saying, "if anything, wouldn`t it be language"
any way keep up the great work, and i'm keeping a heads up for your writing
T
Great.!!
I love how you conveyed the message without using foot long fancy words
but in simple short words you expressed the feelings of many writers and people like me who have a tendency to hate maths.
Bravo!
-icy.
Some say math is the basis of life. <--- haha, this is funny. Basis is actually a theoretical math term that means something that spans and is linearly independent. Interesting word choice
But no, <--- get rid of comma
I say it's words.
Numbers tell you which goes where,
and how to run things. <--- I don't like this line.
But, oh…not words. <--- don't like "oh" or the ellipse.
Words convey emotions,
in ways numbers do not dare. <--- get rid of these first two lines; they kind of suck.
Can numbers break a person’s heart?
Can numbers lie?
Numbers tell us how things work, <--- these two lines are kind of preachy. I like your examples better.
words tell us why.
Words can drive a person mad,
Then over to happy and sad. <--- I *HATE* this rhyme. It sucks. I mean... it just does. It's like... "Hmmm, what should I rhyme with mad? I know! Sad!" GUH. KILL MY SOUL WITH A RED PEN NOW.
You cannot live well without words,
but numbers you can do without quite well. <--- For some reason, these lines seem a little to tellish. I would probably do away with this stanza and stick with the cool, pretty examples. ^_^
Numbers are just numbers,
so less complex than words. <--- another thing--complex has a different meaning in math, so it's a nice play on words. ^_^
Words are letters arranged a certain way, <-- don't like this line... don't let it rhyme with the last line and then it'll probably be better.
the letters show depth that only words can convey.
Yay! A poem about math! You get brownie points.
Anyway, those are my notes on it. I hope it helps!
I think that the "but no" messes up the flow of words from the very beginning. Perhaps you could say something to the same effect that keeps the flow.
Something I would suggest is to remove yourself from the poem and just write what you believe.
I like this stanza. Here, the rhyming works.
I disagree because I believe you do need numbers to live--haha. Without numbers you would not have your yummy food, your computer, television, books even because the book binding machines are probably run on programs coded by books. So, numbers are important, but what you should focus on is that numbers can't express rather than their uselessness.
This is a "Well, Duh" kind of line. Your reader already know this. What is this line saying that matters?
The first line here is another "duh" line. The second is a good attempt but it also is pretty obvious. "The only words can convey" is a cliché ideal, because everyone says something like "I love you in a way that words can't describe" or something, or emotions can only be expressed in words.
I've already told you I like this--and I do. But I think it could be so much better. Focus harder: what are you trying to say about words? Are you comparing them to numbers, or are you just looking at words? Is this your way to say "I hate math!" or "I love words!" That is probably a big question.
Keep this in mind as well: What do you want your reader to feel/think/do/believe after reading your poem? A good poem will leave the reader with something. And, since your poem is about words, I highly suggest you think hard on word choice, and be as exact and perfect and beautiful is you can possibly get it. Here is a good article on word choice: Word Choice: Right Word, Right Time by Cade.
Consider what kind of imagery (taste, touch, smell, hear, sight) you could use to describe words, how we use them, and why they are important. If you could do that, the poem would be kicked up to a much higher level.
Best of luck.
Wow, that was really inspiring. i noticed that in the rhyme scheme didn't match in a few lines, but it was really great. Love the message, i too, hate math and anything having to do w/ numbers.
Wow.
I'm not kidding.
Wow.
This is one of the best poems that is on the site. No joke. Alice, this is amazing...
There was only one teeny thing I can suggest:
"Can numbers lie?"
This doesn't quite fit, so if you change it to, "Can THESE numbers lie?" would make it sound much much better.
Alzz, this is freaking amazing. I mean it. I loved the ryhming; it didn't feel forced at all. It was totally beautiful and true.
Seriously, you have GOT to get this published. This is amazing and deserves to be read by everyone in the world.
Way to go, soon-to-be-famous-Alice!
BBB
This was a very great poem. Keep up the excellent work. I would love to read more.
This was pretty good. I liked the message, but I think (and no, I'm nowhere near an expert in poetry) that some of the rhythm was a little off. I don't know how to fix it, because like I said, I hardly know anything when it comes to poetry, but here are the parts that bothered me:
Those two were the worst, I think. The flow is just... awkward. Especially in the last two lines of each.
I loved this part. ^.^
I don't know how much this helped...
~Azila~
wow, that was really, really, really, really good. that has to be the best poem i've read in a long time--maybe ever. (i don't read much poetry.) the first section wasn't as rhythmical as the others, but especially the last section, and the first part of the second section were really good. basically, do the last two things jabber told you to do (over to from, and the double dash part), and it would be very good. it was a great poem, so no more edits
This so true. I loved it. I'm no good at math and I love the power of words.
I'm not a poetry critic, but I think that the poem was great the way it was. The only thing that I would change would be the 'over' to 'from' that JabberHut pointed out. I'm not sure about her comments on the punctuation, but its your poem, so do what you think is best.
This was so beautiful. Would you mind if I printed this out and put it above my desk? I'll keep your name on it and everything. PM me please.
O gosh- I loved this one. Absolutely loved it. I'm terrible at reviewing poetry, so I hope you have all your comma mistakes and such fixed or edited.
I just want to be the one that gets knocked over her chair, saying that she's never saw a poem like that.
Hey, Alice. ^^
Very good. ^^ A couple lines I thought could have been improved, but I can't exactly say since I'm not a poet. The message is very good. Some lines I was deeply impressed with, like the last couplet. I loved those.
Kudos! Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!