Snoink

So you've got a lot of excellent critiques for this, which is good! I'm going to link to you a couple of writing tutorials that I thought of when I ...

At the moment the words came out of my father’s mouth, I felt a hard, sharp pain in my stomach This part of the sentence was all right. It has ...

Hello! First of all, welcome to YWS! This story reminds me a lot of my diary entry for September 11, 2001, so you definitely get credit for that. :) It ...

Hello BBB! I used to be really into gemology, so this will be a weird critique that may be on a tangent sometimes. But that might be a good thing! ...

First of all, hello! Second of all, critique! :D I remember...

Hello! First of all, welcome to YWS! It's great to have you here. If you need any help, feel free to bug me about anything, really. This is going to ...

Hmmm... there seem to be a couple of inconsistencies here. Unless this guy is eight or ten feet tall, it's very unlikely that the child is eye line with the ...

Well, this piece certainly screams out car crash. The first part starts intriguing... yes, the narrator is a pompous, self-centered asshole, but he's at least interesting about it and he ...

Hehhee... oh dear. This sounds like a candy commercial gone awry. I don't think the baby is actually a baby... maybe a Sugar Baby, just because of the sticky coat. ...

Hello walawala and welcome to YWS! I'm Snoink and I am to be your critiquer today, which basically means that I get to give you advice on how to improve ...

To be fair, it does seem to have the same sort of idea as Robert Frost's poem did... :P Departmental by Robert Frost - 1936 An ant on the tablecloth ...

I figured I would review this and get points and stuff. BECAUSE POINTS ARE AWESOME. Anyway, so this is probably me being a grouchy adult, but I didn't really care ...

He had killed six people in cold blood. Every child in the town knew the story of Jesse Princeton well. The lone survivor of the massacre had turned the vile ...

Hehe, I'll probably call you up and rant about how awesome this is (and it is pretty awesome in five trillion different ways) but in the meantime, here is a ...

I trimmed 106 words from it. Add to where it seems lacking: **** Silence blanketed our Knossos palace in a dreamy haze. "Seven young men," my husband, Minos, said from ...