SishBee

I agree with Snoink on the whole conflict issue. You could be trying to be subtle or trying to keep the reader guessing but since it is more like a ...

Well, Snoink, I think you found most problems apart from a life fulled with secrets should it be a life filled with secrets? Anyway, otherwise I loved it, especially the ...

As you know, I am not very good at analysing sonnets, but I will do my best... And pray that when the leap is made, we fly. Perhaps you could ...

Hey! Are you going to write anymore? There wasn't very much there to crit but there were a couple of typo's as Seraph Tree said; replaced by a trim gr ...

I really liked this, but we only heard about one character, Tom. You need to somehow include the other characters name so that we know a litle more about them, ...

Wow Pol!!! write the next bit quick!!!!!! I couldn't find any errors but I was so engrossed in the story I wasn't checking really properly :) Write more.....NOW! ~SishBee~ x

hmmm, I agree with stirly, I think some of the language she uses is a little grown up for a six year old, although i liked the idea of her ...

The sounds a screams could easily be heard now even across the waters. Should be The sounds OF screams... Other than that, keep going! v.v.v.v.v.v. good! Interesting plot developing! Keep ...

Wow! That is really good! please could you write some more, if you're stuck for ideas, perhaps you could do someting from Ammon's point of view so that we can ...

That was really good... one question, i didn't quite get the status thing very well, is a guardian higher than an instructor or the other way around...? Anyway, great story! ...

WOW! That is really good! ahem, right... first of all I liked the way that time was still not entirely controllable, he didn't know where he would end up next. ...

Wow that is long! I am quite proud of you for writing something i managed to keep interested in the whole way through. Okay... I am not sure what the ...

It is good to see a classical story *aplaudes* but i am slightly confused as to how Icarus (the boy who flew too close to the sun and is drowned) ...

Haha! This brought a smile to my face after a long hour of revision... thank you. Anyway, I assume you mean 'They decided to LOOK inside the planet' rather than ...

I really liked this, you managed to put forward quite a complex idea very well. I liked the repetition in 'You left it behind, With the girl you left behind ...