z

Young Writers Society



Fox on the Plain

by Stori


Lyle glanced around cautiously before letting his guard slip. In a matter of seconds, the lad was replaced by a trim gray fox. It shook its coat out to rid itself of the tingling magic of transformation.

He barked with sheer delight. Nobody took notice of foxes; they were as common as clouds.

Oh, for the open trail! His heart sped at the thought. He wanted to run, but first, he sniffed the air. There was no unfamiliar scent, just the wind and the grass and the elusive smell of rabbits.

He trotted out from behind the oak, taking in the glorious vista of sky, grass and scattered trees.

Another fox hurried past. Good day, brother, he said as he went.

Lyle sneezed as the stranger's scent hit him. There was the taint of man in that wiff.

"Man," he muttered. "Man! Destroyers of nature. Hunters who give nothing back. Man!"

He shot like a bolt across the plains, away from civilization. Away from the taint of humankind.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
565 Reviews


Points: 1395
Reviews: 565

Donate
Fri Oct 05, 2007 5:40 pm
Stori says...



It was a bit of a "well, I'll do something different" thing. I saw all the wolf stories and said, "What about foxes?"

Where it's going, I'm not sure. I'll let you know.

And, ArtLuvr, welcome.




User avatar
241 Reviews


Points: 1090
Reviews: 241

Donate
Fri Oct 05, 2007 4:50 am



It's good; i'm just confused. it started so randomly. Where did it come from and where is it going?




User avatar
565 Reviews


Points: 1395
Reviews: 565

Donate
Thu Oct 04, 2007 3:43 pm
Stori says...



Thanks. That kitten is so funny :D




User avatar
247 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 247

Donate
Thu Oct 04, 2007 2:38 pm



This is definitely intriguing; it makes me want to know why Lyle hates mankind so much. Also, I like the way you use short paragraphs and sparse description. It keeps the story moving. Great job, and I look forward to the next part of this story!




User avatar
32 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 32

Donate
Thu Oct 04, 2007 12:52 am
ArtLuvr19 says...



This had good details. I especially enjoy the whole "transformation" thing, and the boy's prejudice against humankind. To me, it was very well written. But what do I know? I'm new to the YWS...




User avatar
52 Reviews


Points: 1145
Reviews: 52

Donate
Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:51 pm
SishBee wrote a review...



Hey!

Are you going to write anymore?

There wasn't very much there to crit but there were a couple of typo's as Seraph Tree said;

replaced by a trim grEy fox.


There was the tainT of man in that wiff.


Other than that, keep going!

~SishBee~
x




User avatar
820 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 820

Donate
Wed Oct 03, 2007 6:31 pm
Myth wrote a review...



Is there more to come?

I would love to read further especially since Lyle doesn't like humans but we don't know why becuse you plungd the reader into a scene that doesn't give much away. Couldn't the fox with the man scent have been a shapshifter like him too?




User avatar
389 Reviews


Points: 4209
Reviews: 389

Donate
Wed Oct 03, 2007 5:06 pm
SeraphTree wrote a review...



Things are a little confusing, mostly because there aren't enough details. Why would lyle hate man so much, when he was a man himself? Is the fox a symbol of some kind?
With the other fox... why does he smell like a human? Do people change into foxes all the time?
There are a couple of typos that need fixing, and your flow needs a little work. I think it would help if you read it out loud. :)
It's an interesting idea you have here, but you need to fill us in a little more.
Good luck and all that ^-^V
:D:D:D:D:D:D





When I use caps I do not want you to read it like a little screech, I want you to read it like a 5,000 year old ogre with the strength of 10,000 men.
— avianwings47