Very experimental. If it doesn't make sense, I'm sorry. I tried to describe a situation and a conversation without any dialogue tags. This is actually based off of a real conversation with somebody.
________
"They can't hear that."
"But they can see it."
"No, they can't. They do this."
"What's the difference?"
"They just can't see that."
"There's no difference, Tom."
"To deaf people there is."
That's really weird. Deaf people must be psycho."
"It looks kinda like jazz hands, actually."
"So when they applaud, they do jazz hands?"
"Yep."
"Do they tap dance too?"
"I'm serious."
"It's kind of like that snapping instead of clapping thing at beatnik poetry readings."
"They're not hippies."
"They probably smoke bongs and wear John Lennon glasses too."
"Now you're just being mean."
"This isn't mean. You haven't seen mean yet."
"It's not their fault they're deaf."
"But why do they have to go and change applause techniques? I hate change-the-world nonconformists, you know that? What's wrong with the way things are?"
"Vive la Revolution."
"Shut up."
"You're making a big deal out of nothing."
"Would you make a big deal if atheists changed the pledge of allegiance?"
"Yes."
"Then why can't I make a big deal if deaf people want to change - have changed - congratulatory methods?"
"It's not the same."
"Patriotism, theism, and the rapture."
"What the hell?"
"When I clap, I feel the rapture."
"How spirtitual for you."
"I'm dead serious. Deaf people are taking away my freedom of religion by tap dancing and doing jazz hands.
"They don't tap dance."
"They might."
"What is wrong with you?"
"You're a communsit, you know that, Tom? A regular Karl Marx."
"So what're you going to do?"
"I don't like communists."
"Who can you complain to? The international deaf people for jazz hands association?"
"Yes."
"There's no such thing."
"Then I'll create it."
"But you're against deaf people and jazz hands."
"So I'll create it and then destroy it."
"And what pleasure that will bring."
"They just need to suck it up and get on with life."
"But they can't hear clapping."
"They can see it, though."
Points:
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IP address:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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140,854 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I thought the piece was really creative, and the premise was intriguing. It's something that I could see happening. You didn't need to describe anything; your dialogue was sufficient. I'd say I was quite impressed.
Hah! It was funny. And I think I managed to keep track of it.
I liked this. It was very funny and random (especially the bit about bongs and John Lennon glasses. Bravo for that one.) but it got a little confusing. However, the conversation flowed very smoothly, and gave the reader a somewhat clear picture.
This was amusing. I've done pure dialogue stuff, too. What you got to try and do is keep the conversational tone, but at the same time giving as much information possible, so that the reader can picture the scene. I liked this because even though you don't tell us exactly what it is these guys/girls are talking about, you gradually give us an idea. It flows well. It's nice.
But it isn't exactly deep, or anything. Nice job.
I liked this, it was random and very funny.
I really liked this, but we only heard about one character, Tom. You need to somehow include the other characters name so that we know a litle more about them, girl/boy, that sort of thing.
Otherwise, fantastic, loved it!!
~SishBee~
x
I like it.
The only two major problems I have with this are
1) The characters talk the same way. They are both sarcastic, they both have the same dialect, and they both speak to each other in the same piece. It gets confusing after a while, since there are random topics about (which is good/hilarious) and we don't know which person has the same argument (which is not good). So, add a dialext, make only one person sarcastic...do something.
2) The beginning was SO confusing. I had simply no idea what they were talking about.
If that happens, it is okay to just say out loud what they are talking about-add a line somewhere in the first ten ldialogue lines that says something like, "Clapping is one thing. Fluttering your fingers all around someone's face is not."
Otherwise, excellent! VERY funny!
This was very humerous. I think it goes in other fiction cause it's not set up as a script. I was a little apprehensive at first but then it just got funny, it was so random that i just loved it. Probably doesn't help you much but hey, I liked it.
Moved
Could one of you wonderful mods move this to Other Fiction or Scripts please? Whichever it fits better in.
Thanks!
-Kylan