SeraphTree

Okay... you need to slow down. So many things are happening, it doesn't feel very significant when the hand and skeletons appear. More details and more feelings from Faith would ...

At the end, Ianna and Daeun seem extremely unforgiving to Hal, and we don't here from Anae at all. X( There are a few things that sound funny, like "Dismounted... ...

Hmmm.... it's good, but there are a couple of things that bug me. X( First.... there is a lot of telling. Since this is the prologue, I would suggest you ...

I really liked your story. Very interesting and engrossing. The only thing I can think of is the Thunder of Paws... you might want to change the name, or specify ...

As before, very interesting. A couple of things... The beginning is a little rushed and confusing. Some details would help. Ianna still seems a little out of character to me. ...

Lets see... a couple of things: Among the men stood many, many women, bearing knives and bows, hair tied back and faces fierce. At the forefront of the city stood ...

Alright. You are still telling, not showing. Training like this went on for months. A the end of the fifth month, Jonny could ding potions (and hit the targets), deadly ...

Okay. You need to slow down and give more details. As soon as the winged creatures were defeated, the evil creatures ran to Kamos’s house and set it aflame. They ...

Okay... you do a lot of telling instead of showing. Evan woke with a start. She rolled over to shut off her alarm. She didn’t want to go to school ...

I really liked your story. Very realistic.^o^V The only thing that confused me was the narrator. I couldn't tell if this was a guy or girl, so it kinda weirded ...

Your story is good. I can't see anything to critique at the moment. The only thing is that there are so many people introduced that it makes it confusing. Slow ...

OKAY.... I'm going to try this again....... My computer is stupid, sorry. XO There should be more description in your paragraphs, and you should combine some of them. Right now, ...

-.-" Phew... your title kind of scared me there. I was thinking 'love... demonic...' OO" Sorry, that's off topic. I do that sometimes. -.-* Okay, there are a few typos, ...

Just a couple of things. The part where he meets the Tor in the woods is a little confusing. Just a little clarification. :) The part where he says something ...

There are a few run on sentences, and in the beginning it's hard to tell who is the narrator. Also, things are happening a little fast, and there aren't enough ...