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Young Writers Society



The Chronicles of Flaughston Book 1: A Reign to End

by Fael57


Training like this went on for months. A the end of the fifth month, Jonny could ding potions (and hit the targets), deadly acid paste, hatch knùbs (pixies), levitate objects, control vines, change rocks into animals, control the weather, and make plasma and fire balls.

On the first day of the sixth month, Kamos declared Jonny finished with his magic training and declared him a master sorcerer. He presented him with a long white staff. There was a slender blue stone attached with gold fastenings at the end. “You are now ready to begin your other branches of training,” Kamos said. “Other branches?” Jonny was puzzled at the thought. “Yes,” Kamos continued, “There are many arts needed to defeat a shaman, especially one as powerful as Scrael.” It was the first time that Jonny had heard the Evil Shaman’s name.

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A few days later, Jonny was on his way to the imps’ base in the Dark Forest. It was autumn that day, so Jonny was wearing a light jacket, his staff in his hand. As he passed some low tree branches, goblins leaped onto him. He had no time to try to fight. They started biting and scratching him. One drew its sword. A sound like a gunshot was heard across the forest. The goblins scattered, running in every direction and Jonny was left on the ground, bleeding. He got up and soon saw in front of him a procession of the fairest beings Jonny had ever beheld.

All of them moved with grace and gentleness, even the boys. On their backs were bows and quivers with arrows of the most fine and detailed craftsmanship. They carried swords with hilts of ivory, blades of the the finest steel, and leather sheathes with small rubies, sapphires, and diamonds implanted in them. They all had the purest skin and the most beautiful hair in shades from light blonde, to the darkest black, to a shiny brown. Many of them wore robes in shades of blue, red, yellow, and green, some even wore pure white. They had their bows strung and were taking cautious steps, as if sneaking up on something.

There were about twenty of them and as soon as they noticed Jonny, they formed a tightly knit circle around him, threatening to shoot if he made a contentious movement. A female, who seemed to be the leader, moved forward. “Who are you?” Jonny asked, puzzled. “We are a hunting party of the elves of Meanor,” she replied.

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“What are you hunting?” “Goblins,” she said in her gentle, almost songlike voice. He had by now noticed their pointy ears, a detail he had foolishly overlooked. “Some goblins were just here,” Jonny told her. “We suspected as much, and seeing your injuries confirms our suspicions,” she stated. “My name is Tiar, daughter of Tarail, leader of our race.” Jonny gaped. Elves? What next? he thought. “My name is Jonny Celtric.” “What race are you?” Tiar asked. “I am human,” he replied. The elves looked surprised and many of them gasped, but Tiar looked solemn. “Where are you going?” she asked. “To the imps’ base further into this forest to continue my training,” he replied, “to learn how to fight the Evil Shaman.” “We will escort you there,” Tiar said, “to ensure that you arrive in one piece.” They started walking through the forest.

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About an hour later, Jonny and the elves arrived at the imps’ base. An amazing feat, the wall and all of the buildings inside were made among the trees without harming them. “This is where we leave you,” the elves said. “May you have good luck and an unwavering fortune.” With that, they left to continue their goblin hunt. A few minutes later, the gates swung open and Jonny walked in.

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As it turned out, the imps were to train Jonny in fighting and battle tactics. He began this branch of indoctrination sitting in a classroom, taking notes on various military tactics and troop positions from an imp tactician instructor. After two weeks of listening to the instructor, positioning imp troops, and even commanding them in a few mock battles, Jonny was ready to begin weapons training.

First, he learned how to spar with a fake (and later a real) sword and how to take proper care of one. Then, he was trained in how to fire a longbow and a crossbow, and how to make arrows and bolts. Later, he learned how to throw a spear and a javelin, the uses of a pike and a poleax, The difference between a club and a mace, then to wield an ax. Finally, he was taught the use and care of shields and armor, and even some basic metal and leatherworking.

At last he was ready to practice his fighting and strategizing skills in a mock battle. After hours of many different maneuvers and fighting techniques, Jonny’s team, surprisingly, lost, but only by a small margin.

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After more intense training and several mock battles (most won by Jonny’s team), Jonny was finished with his training branch with the imps. They presented him with a sword, Daelning was its name. Jonny could tell it was made by the imps because it was so long. Jonny went back through the Dark Forest warily, in case more goblins were around. He met Kamos in the Clëron Clearing again the next day for his third and final branch of training: stealth, tracking, and concealment. As it turned out, he was also taught how to survive in the wilderness on his own. By the end of this course, Jonny could sneak into Flaughston, get inside the Royal Palace, creep into the Grand Banquet Hall, and slip back out, unnoticed. Finally, Kamos declared him finished with all of his training.

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Before Jonny could begin to think about battling the Dark Shaman, he and Kamos had to make a quest to the Heratic Lands to ask the king for more heratics to help defend the kingdom.

They stayed in Flaughston for a few more days to gather supplies and horses for the trip. Kamos bought a white horse named Argetan and Jonny, a brown one named Lúttic. In three days, they were ready to set off. Before they left, all of the people in the kingdom gathered in the Main Square of the capital to see them off. As they were about to leave, Jonny noticed a strange, slate walkway leading southeast that he had never seen before. He started his horse galloping towards it and kept going, despite Kamos’s frantic calls of “Jonny! Jonny! Wait!”. He came to a huge gate. It was very old. In fact, it seemed older than the kingdom itself, or even the wall flanking it. At had old and rusted chains across it, and it seemed to be made of a swirling green liquid. Yet, when Jonny touched it, it was cool and hard. Scrawled from about Jonny’s height (5’ 10”) down to the ground was the same strange writing that had been on the letter and the gates of the kingdom. “What is this?” Jonny asked, for Kamos had caught up with him. “It is called the Unknown Gate” he replied.

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Fri Oct 12, 2007 1:57 am
SeraphTree wrote a review...



Alright. You are still telling, not showing.

Training like this went on for months. A the end of the fifth month, Jonny could ding potions (and hit the targets), deadly acid paste, hatch knùbs (pixies), levitate objects, control vines, change rocks into animals, control the weather, and make plasma and fire balls.

SHOW us he did this. 'Jonny Blasted the rock into smithereens...'
In fact, you could just skip this paragraph. We know that at the end of six months he finishes his training. If you want us to know what he had accomplished in training, show us what's happening during those five/six months, or, you could flashback to something he learned, when he needs it.

t was the first time that Jonny had heard the Evil Shaman’s name.

If this is the first time he's heard of Scrael (cool name by the way) he wouldn't know the guy was evil, unless Kasmos told him that.

I don't have much else to say. Just try to show more, and good luck with all that you do ***I^o^V





There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it.
— Christopher Darlington Morley