Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well this was an interesting one. Somehow wasn't expecting that from a story with a demon in it. The plot was really simple and it wasn't meant to be that complex and that's totally fine. For what this is and what this is meant to be it does a wonderful job and that's great.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Adel had a good night's sleep for the first time in his stay in the human world. The mornings were surprisingly cool for the summer and he loved the morning frost on the windows. The sleepy demon sat up and rubbed his crimson eyes and reached for a pack of cigarettes sitting on the bedside table. As he pulled one of the long thin sticks out from the pack the door burst open. One of the bed maids ordered to keep Adel's small room clean hurried him out of the room. Adel grumbled and turned back to the maid and muttered, "You got a light?". Before he knew it the castle was in full work mode. Many old bearded men waddled about talking so fast Adel couldn't understand them. The one armed guard stood at attention the the amethyst velvet curtains as usual.
Pretty decent opening paragraph although I do believe that considering the fact that there appears to be two separate ideas here it would do better as two seperate paragraphs rather than as one.
As the two walked down a long corridor, a group of young witches giggled and looked at Adel. Adel managed to hear a few of the whispers exchanged like: Ma'am was right, he is cute...or I wish he was my guard during the war. War? What war? "Ah...great..", Adel sighed. He loved fighting but hated to kill. He was bred to be a weapon. His father would call him a mistake, but then would take it back as soon as Adel got angry.
Well that seemed like some necessary exposition to understand this so the slight info dump is excused here/
Adel and the guard walked into a large room built around a large hearth, glowing in a deep blue flame. The fire was magic in origin as Adel would learn later. On a pillow surrounded by what looked to be her maids and friends sat Elena. She smiled at Adel and urged him to sit next to her patting a cushion next to her. He blushed slightly and took his seat. Before them on the floor was a set of scrolls.
Not too sure why we are worried about the fire being magic or not. Its not really contributing anything to the story and it just sounds like an unnecessary fact to include in a short story.
"You don't have to be formal Adel, I'm not your master as some seem to think around here. To tell the truth, I summoned you because...well...I lonely..." her gaze fell to the floor as she bit her lower lip, "and...and i thought i might find a friend. I just never knew I'd find a demon as handsome as you."
That took a turn very fast. Very fast.
That was the first time anyone had ever called Adel handsome before. To be honest he didn't know what it meant but she smiled so he thought it was a good thing. Elena then blushed and leaned a little closer to Adel and said in a soft lovely voice, "Adel, do you know what a kiss is?" Adel nodded and gulped a little and smiled, "Yeah, i read about them in the texts i studied. You humans have weird forms of affection. I don't underst-" Elena then gently pressed her lips against his. Much to his amazement this thing called a kiss didn't feel half bad. Elena pulled back blushing madly. "W-Well...i th-think you should g-go get ready." , Elena stuttered. Adel sat in amazement, this is the first time anyone had ever shown him any kind of affection beside his father.
Nice little scene there. Not sure about how accurate it is but it certainly sounds good.
The demons tail curled slightly as he got up and walked half-dazed to the door. He turned around to see Elena rushing around to change out of her robes and into a dress. Wow...thought Adel I read about the human emotion love....but I never thought I'd ever feel it. With that, Adel sat on the ledge of the castle wall until twilight, remembering his first "kiss".
Not sure how he managed to come to the conclusion that she was running off to get changed into a dress.
Overall: Overall its written pretty well and it flows quite nicely. It was a nice little piece to read. The characters made enough sense in the short time we had for them to get developed. Overall a pretty fun story to read.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 253238
Reviews: 4095
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