SemperAugustus

Hi, I thought this is an interesting first chapter. A few personal remarks: I think you could have made the chasing scene more more suspenseful, make it seem like there ...

Hi, I enjoyed reading your first chapter. A few personal comments: You use a few flashbacks in the beginning. I would keep this to a minimum since readers generally don't ...

Hi, I didn't read your first chapter so I'm judging it solely on what you wrote here. At the start, you use "she" a lot. I can see that you ...

Hey, the first line really catches a reader's attention. I felt the dialogue was not very realistic. I didn't get a sense that Adrian wanted to leave his normal life ...

Hi, this is a really good prologue. I really like your choice of words and the chapter seems to flow very naturally. I like the dialogue. It feels very real, ...

Hi, overall, I like this chapter. I did notice at the start, especially in the first paragraph, there were a lot of adjectives. I also think that you can condense ...

Hi, I feel this is excellent for a first chapter. I think there should be at least another paragraph between Jack typing at the computer and when the two men ...

Hi, I really liked this chapter and your writing style. I noticed at the start you concentrate heavily on describing how Fiel feels when she wakes up. I think the ...

Hi, overall it's a good intro. I would try to include the description of the scenery after you introduce the characters. You can show the peacefulness as Elex looks out ...

Hi, it's a really good start. A conflict is developed in the first chapter which pulls the reader in. In the third paragraph with the description of the great hall, ...

Hey, the first few sentences caught my attention. I was expecting to learn more about the protagonist as he looks through his bubble. I felt though that the chapter deviates ...

Hi, I thought the start of the chapter was interesting, though I couldn't really understand see how the short temper and the fact that everyone is spirit goes together. The ...

Hi, nice chapter. In the first sentence, instead of telling us that the "glide went by quickly", you could describe the acceleration of the gliding with those wings. Also, I ...

Hi, I like the descriptions in the story. At the start, I would break down the first sentence into multiple sentences. Also the sentence structure of the first and second ...

Hi, the start of the chapter hooked my attention. I think the start could be improved by showing us the main characters thoughts and not telling us directly: "most of ...