Rydia

I shall make some specific points first - They got at their stop and walked off the bus. [This would sound better as they got [color=blue]to their stop.[/color] Once they ...

I think this needs a lot more description of setting and characters and some characterization would be nice. Have the man a confident, violent person so that the reader is ...

The poem wasn't the best. It was rather vague and hard to understand. I don't think the first stanza was too bad but then it sort of dwindled out to ...

Ah. I just read this on the death scene competiton and yes, it's much better without the POV changes. Your description is vivid but the piece is rather vague. I've ...

Thrown apart. A part of me. [I love how you've used 'apart' twice but split it the second time. It really emphasised your point.] Split to pieces, I won't find. ...

I found this really sad and the emotion is so strong in places that I was close to tears. You make the persona easy to relate to for anyone who's ...

I liked this. Slightly creepy with a pretty good atmosphere. Some of your descriptions are very nice. It took me a short while to realise that the male character was ...

I know the others have mentioned it but I love the simple honesty of this piece. I shall make a few specific suggestions before I move onto more general points ...

I really liked this until you jumped persepctive. The last two parts seem rather random. Perhaps you should try to attactch them. Maybe your character finds the history book and ...

This is pretty good and I only have one specific suggestion so I'll cover that first and then move on to more general points... I sit before you, infront of ...

I liked a lot of your description, very vivid and it added some good characterization but I'll move onto that after I've covered a few specific points - Her red ...

Awww, that was really sweet and your story seemed to reflect the lyrics perfectly. The sisters' personalities are well defined but perhaps you should describe them a little. Not too ...

Lol, this is hilarious Claudette! I love that you incorporated the CCF and SPEW that I have been hearing so much about lately. A lovely insight into YWS ;) Just ...

I agree that you need to make Decker's role clearer. I got that he was probably their teacher but not until he was leaving the room. It's good though. Leans ...

'The air was like a nerve gas: neither he, nor she, could move. Words seeped through trembling lips;' [This opening is beautiful. Your first line is very dramatic and the ...