Rydia

Good action with the Hawks and I'm sorry but I have my fingers crossed that Khor is going to drown =) Here's a few suggestions - He gazed up at ...

It's very imaginative, Reyu. I think you're missing a few apostrophes but then, that doesn't really matter and I'm sure you'll add them in later, wont you? The rhyme is ...

I love the scene in the bar, certainly one of my favourites so far and the description of them jumping across the rooftops was lovely. In general, this was a ...

I enjoyed this part though having both Knall and Khor trying to escape the places they have stayed the last few days at the same time is a little strange. ...

You have a humourous little piece here my dear :P I love the very western tone of it and I can almost imagine some old cowboy sat in a tavern, ...

Hmmm. I see that there is more but I don't think this was as original as the first part. Perhaps this should be in fan-fiction? Only it's seeming very harry ...

This is intriguing. I think it needs some work where structure is concerned - you need to divide it into paragraphs and it looks neater if you start a new ...

Your editor has arrived Jess... First I think you should up the rating to R rather than PG13. Here's some corrections and comments... I tip-toe up the stairs with a ...

Ah, I can understand your need to concentrate on NaNo so no worries my dear and first of all I'd like to say that I love how you ended this ...

I'm a little confused. First they were trying to leave the city and now they've split up and are planning on meeting back at the inn? Other than that though, ...

Hi again! Sorry it's been so long but I'm going to get back to critiquing now =) In general, I liked this chapter. The help desks are an interesting idea ...

I liked this. Especially the interview part. Very well written. It needs some work though so here's a few suggestions - Some still think this might be a peaceful coup. ...

Ooooh, in love with the librarian, what an interesting concept. I think you could improve on some of your imagery - describe the woman more - and punctuate better perhaps ...

Hello there, my friend! This is very good and you've made some lovely improvements. Your characters seem more believable now and you've got some very good descriptions of people but ...

Hey there Cat! First, I have a few suggestions for your format - post your poem in the normal font style and size of text used on YWS. It certainly ...