Published November 1, 2007
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140,602 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
I have no idea of what to name it.
I agree with the whole title change; if you changed it it would give it a more ghostly feel because then the reader's imagination could run wild and they could think of their own story for the poem.
I liked the structure, it seemed neat and altogether made the poem seem a lot more professional.
Okay, so I loved this. The flow worked and made it seem like a song and the structure helped with this as well. I could imagine something like this by Tim Burton.
One thing; your thirteenth line: "between" should be capitalised I believe.
Other that that, perfect!
holy heck! Why is everyone on this site freaking amazing at writing. This is sooo good. I dont really have anything bad to say. Holy cow i seriously wish i could write this good and think of these things. I guess im not as imaginative as you. Super good poem and keep it up!!
Yes, good ol' frank
Not Halloween without him.
I agree that a title change is in order.
The slant rhyme is fine, it seems a little weird that the lines that correspond in meter (sometimes?) don't correspond in rhyme, it kind of throws me off. Also, soul's and not souls.
Again, missing punctuation: lords should be Lord's.
I think you probably meant stake and not steak - stake is what you slay a vampire with; steak is what your Uncle Ronald eats with a HP sauce and a side of mashed potatoes.
I like the internal rhyme! However, forsee should be foresee... and is this a reference to Frankenstein? I don't really get it.
...Why the periods? They're not separate sentences.
This is a poem and I think it would be fun read out loud. However, I think you should try working within an established meter as well as a rhyme pattern. If you take into account the number of syllables in the line and where the accents on the words fall, you might be able to create a more "spooky" effect.
Gah! Did you have to ruin the whole thing with the title "Halloween"?! *grumbles* I loved the content, and I almost didn't read it because of the name... well, what are you waiting for? Fix it!
It's very imaginative, Reyu. I think you're missing a few apostrophes but then, that doesn't really matter and I'm sure you'll add them in later, wont you?
The rhyme is used effectively, you have some brilliant imagery and a great theme and in general I thought it was really well written. The rhythm was a little off but not enough that I have any changes to suggest so well done and don't you ever get it into your head to scare me again. Oh and Happy Halloween =)