Rydia

Hey there Timea. To be honest, I don't think I liked this chapter as well as I did the others. There's an awful lot of dialogue and explanations and not ...

Hey there! I agree with Bubbles - the concept of 'Same old story' is good but you need to develop your poem further. The technique of repetition is a little ...

Hey there! You're in luck, I'm quite familiar with Valentine. In fact, I'll open a copy so I can compare the style with yours. From my first reading, I think ...

Hello there! You have a very well written story here and I didn't have any trouble following Marc's reflections. In fact, I thought your change from present to past was ...

Hello there Ayra! As usual, your description is beautiful but I think you need to slow it down a bit. Your character closes her eyes for a moment and then ...

Hello again! I think I'll look at the two chapters separately to give myself some order so logically, let's begin with chapter one. I think your fantasy world needs work. ...

Hey there! I think separating this into different points of view was a good idea but you don't tell much of a story through it. Now if each of the ...

I think this is good but a little confusing. Maybe you could move the flash back of the text message and the journey and everything to the beginning? Because I ...

Hey there again! I think I prefer this chapter to the other. It's smoother and you develop the character of Amara well. There could still be more description though. For ...

Okay so this was an interesting chapter but I think there's quite a bit that's unnecessary. I think you gave too much of the character's background so that the tone ...

Hello dear! Wonderful as always though I do think the love interest is starting to be a little drawn out. Time for them to start acting on it perhaps? Your ...

I like this, you have some lovely description and I really enjoyed reading it. I do have some suggestions though. First, try to use all five of the senses. You ...

There I was, lying on my bed, the dark green blankets and sheets all wrapped around my body. “Ok, Mom.” She always was like this, every single day! “Ok…see you ...

Hello again. Ah, I seem to be getting bad at keeping promises don't I? So this is a few hours late but here you go... I quite like your story. ...

It's hard to say whether or not I like this as a whole but I think I do. And yet at the same time, I think it could be improved ...