Rydia

Hey Andy! Your description in this piece is beautiful, especially that of setting. I think the only suggestion I have for you is the one about tense. Here's the sentences ...

Hey there Thief! I think this still needs some work but it's good. I love the theme of mythology running through it and I really can't wait to see how ...

This is great! I'm loving the character of Sunshine more and more and the plot is looking promising with the added competition from Harvey Lions. I think you could maybe ...

“Well, if you don’t like my show of gratitude I can just kill you know.” [Should either be '...kill you, you know' or '...kill you now'.] She raised her gun ...

This is great, Brad. Highly amusing. I think your characters are very well developed with such wonderfully individual personalities. I don't know if you've edited since Meshugenah's comment but I ...

Hey there! Hope you don't mind the slight edit to your post but please try to avoid using full caps, particularly in the literature section of the site. I think ...

Hehe. I like this chapter, the character's personalities were much clearer than they have been in some of the other more recent additions. I think you need to consider the ...

It was a very dark image, and they could barely make out the helicopter as Penelope walked towards it. Abruptly the image swerved to the left, and they saw a ...

Hey, I'll not go through and give you specific suggestions because the general writing of this is good, what's missing is the description and characterisation. You certainly need to make ...

Angie had started talking to Henry, and others around the table were talking amongst each other. [Just a small suggestion but I think this should either be '...were talking amongst ...

Just the one typo that hasn't been mentioned previously - I knew that authors called it people watching. It gave them insight on the people around them: the way the ...

I took a few steps back from the charging money. [As Rei said, it should be monkey not money.] I looked down at my feet sheepishly, stretched out across my ...

She kept her eyes on the broad back ahead of her and [s]concentrating[/s] concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. Abruptly the suited back [I'm not sure ...

First, I'd like to say that I disagree with the suggestion of making the mirror description in the last chapter shorter. I love the contrast that this new view point ...

She braced herself [s]to[/s] for the pain to sear through her clothing, but was surprised when there was only a pleasant warmth. Penelope stepped forward, avoiding the weeds growing out ...