Rydia

This is developing really well, Griff. The humour is spot on and your inclusion of YWS members and back-stories makes for a fantastic read but I would like to see ...

I turned my back on my mother and whilst pretending to examine an air freshener took a peek at the woman further down the a isle. I asked shakily. Mum ...

“I wish I was around when the little one is born. I’m not even gonna get to meet the kid.” [Your tense needs changing here. I'd suggest: '"I wish I ...

She had a pair of sandals in one hand and her [s]hand bag[/s] hand-bag in the other. I picked up my mobile and began out the room. [I'd suggest either ...

A few brief comments: He was at his closet, in the middle of putting in a flannel shirt over a tank top and jeans. [This sounds a little awkward and ...

Just a few small comments to add to what the others have pointed out - I eased out of it for a moment, feeling both giddy and [s]both[/s] overwhelmed. As ...

It’s good at keeping secrets. Never telling anyone, never offering salvation, it just watched. [I agree that this sentence is a little awkward and in the least, I'd suggest just ...

I'm not sure about this. Your character, Matthew didn't feel realistic to me and that made this scene hard to visualise. He's a kid, probably sixteen, seventeen? Maybe younger? And ...

This is a good chapter. I particularly liked the description of the man and the use of phonetic spelling for his mother's speech, a well used technique. I think your ...

A few small suggestions first - The majestic weeping willow from next door ' s garden hung over the fence, its long wispy branches swaying in the gentle breeze. One ...

A light knock snapped me [s]in[/s] to reality. Chad. ________________________ I don't think this section was quite as good as some of your others. I'm having trouble understanding Calik's character. ...

Tom’s mother looked…washed out. It seemed as though someone had come along with an artist ' s set, erased her colour and added deep lines to her face and dark ...

She was singing to herself, some seventy’s tune that I recognised but couldn’t think of the name of. [This is just a touch awkward. Maybe '...but couldn't recall the name ...

The silver reflections of the tiny sliver of a moon reflected its light onto the water and into my face. [This is a little awkward and repetitive. I'd suggest: 'The ...

It turned out that Chad’s surprise had been a makeshift photo studio. He knew I loved to take pictures and planned to be a freelance photographer when I grew up. ...