RoxanneR

There's no easy way to put this, most of the grammar is quite wrong. There is no introduction to the piece, and no way of us knowing what's happening. Most ...

There are no spacings! Each new speaker's dialogue should be on a new paragraph, and with an indent. You have none of these things in there at the moment, but ...

Yeh, a peom doesn't have to rhyme, and by making it do that you are ruining the whole meaning of the poem. Relax a little and just the the poetry ...

This is a fantastic piece, and it doesn't read too slowly that you get bored of it, but not too fast so you don't know what's happening. The description in ...

That is good! You said that you knew that you couldn't write at the beginning, but that is either being modest, or you have no self belief. Self belief is ...

One little word. There is not a single bit of punctuation in this work! It makes it all run together like a single sentence, and that really doesn't work well. ...

This is a bit confusing, what with the overload on description and the mix-up of the tenses, and so many characters all introduced in the first piece of text! Oh ...

No offence, but I think this is a complete copy of Harry Potter. The whole 'Finding out I'm a wizard/witch' thing is a bit dated now that J.K. Rowling has ...

Yeh, some of the spelling is a bit off, and it would help a bit if you capitalised the first letter of each sentence. Also, is you have to explain ...

Yes, If you don't call some of the kids by their name, and just say 'said one girl' it would make more sense. Appart from that, I liked it. There ...

Sorry, but your grammer is a bit ...strange... and the font size and colour are a bit in your face (although there may be a reason why you uses such ...

At the moment this is just an idea, or a story plan. With some more adjustments and a bit more care over capitalising the first letter of every sentence, and ...

This sounds good, but it's slightly confusing! All the different names! But I love the name Cloud, and I think this story could work a lot better if you could ...

I agree with in_too_deep. Sometimes, there is just too many 'maybes' in the last paragraph, but you could work on that. I was just like this when I went out ...

This poem has a heartful meaning, but I don't think you expressed it in a way that really suits the purpose. I love tigers, and I know that most of ...