Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

there were 3 young children and one day there mother died and the father not being able to care for the children married another woman who despised children. The woman took all the blankets away from the children at night so the children were freezing at night. one morning the stepmother woke up to the children awake and wrapped in a blanket she beat the children for disobeying her and locked the blankets in the chest. The same thing happened for the rest of the week so the stepmother stayed awake to find out how they were getting in the trunk. That night she stayed awake and at about 9.00 in the night a figure appeared walked over to the chest and took out the blankets wrapped them around the children and kissed them good-night. the figure turned around and the stepmother recognised the face of the children's birth-mother. the step mother left the house screaming and never returned.

Then perhaps you should tell us it is a story outline. And why are you showing us your story outline? It is not the actual story, so why should we be viewing it?

If you post something, you might want to tell us more about what it is and what you are expecting from replies. That way, we aren't left guessing.

i would like to point out 2 those lovely people who have pm me it is a story outline DUUUHHH!!!

The story in general was interesting. Though it lacked a lot of story elements. Dialog, action, scenes, what ever else a story needs. (It's really late at night, forgive me.)

You need commas in some places like here:

there were 3 young children and one day there mother died and the father [comma] not being able to care for the children [comma]married another woman who despised children.

he woman took all the blankets away from the children at night so the children were freezing at night.

*sniggers merciilessly*
I wrote like this in fourth grade. Are they teaching Writers Workshop anymore in School? Wow... Well they were in MN... interesting but... wow... That they're, there, their thing got me confused until like fifth grade... Well nice try on this.... I'm feel generous since it's my birthday, so I stopped laughing.

At the moment this is just an idea, or a story plan. With some more adjustments and a bit more care over capitalising the first letter of every sentence, and other grammer, such as the difference between 'they're', 'there' and 'their'.

Apart from that, it's a good idea.

RR*

This is an interesting idea, but right now it seems like more of a plot outline than an actual story, or a retelling of a myth or something.

Things you could do to fix that:

-Capitalize the first leffer of every sentence. That's an easy one.

-Make more paragraphs so it's easier to read.

-Add dialogue. What did the stepmother say to the kids when she met them? What did their father? What did they say to eachother?

-Have a better title. Or at least one at all. Be sure to capitalize the first letter of every non-conjunction word.

-Add characters. These don't seem like real people, but they would if they had names, personalities, descriptions of what they look like physically, a way of speaking, and some history to them. I don't know a thing about these kids, how am I suposed to feel sympathy when they are beaten? Why does the stepmother hate children? (Was she abused as a kid also?)

-Let's see some reactions, please. Where the kids scared when they saw their mother, back from the dead? Does the father know what his new wife is doing?


Anyway, it's a good start, but you just need to do some follow through. Good luck and keep writing!