RoseGryffindor

Wow! I love it! So simple yet so powerful! This is just something I would do, but I would put in a little doubt. Fear that that maybe God has ...

Beautifully written! You did well in describing that the person feels like a stranger to you. Maybe a little too well.....Anyways, to me I was getting the impression that you ...

Awesome-tastic! Pulls you right from the beggining. Haha, sometimes I go to write a critique then I finsish reading the sentence and then realize it's fine like that. XD Holy ...

Good, good. Yeah, you just have a few grammatical errrors which you'll catch when you rewrite. I don't know if it's just me but Haze's personality seems off. SHe seems ...

I'm loving your story so far and I'm glad you're writing it from Erik's point of view. It could still use a little more work but overall really good because ...

This is much, MUCH better Pip. I loved the beggining paragraph, you've really improved on it and Adalyn's personality is becoming more defined now. There are a few things though... ...

Ok, honestly I didn't even read the full story because it was getting to hard to read. The sentences seem jumbled together, you need to go back, look at them, ...

I know some of the questions I put in here like Why? is really a nobrainer as to Why it's like that but it helps with descriptions and clears up ...

wow! You're a really good writer! I knew you were writing, but I never read it. Anyways, yeah it was really good. I few mistakes I'm sure you'll catch if ...

Ok, the story was good just a few minor errors like spelling errors, but I'm sure if you go over it again you'll figure them out. The bit about her ...

I absolutely LOVED this story! It was hilarous! The Sarcastic Neon Muffin was my favourite. Ok, time for review time! One fine day in Obscene Slipper Land, the land of ...

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Very well written. I liked it. You opened your arms,And I came running.Your sweet embrace,So loving and heart-warming.We drifted away, through each seconds of the day,By my side, I wish ...

This part makes it seem like it's going to be in first person. It started out like any other normal day. Erin, this part is iffy, it seems kind of ...

I have to say reading it in mind of the fact that you guys were making this up in Band pretty funny. :P Anyways yeah it's pretty good. I think ...

Ok so overall it was a good story. You have a very strong beginning, I like it and the sister is a good touch. But could fix a few things. ...