Rei

That is true, Nate, but I still see a difference in that respect.

Yeah, in a lot of cases the term African American is kind of odd. I mean, we don't call white people whose family have been on this continent since slavery, ...

You've got a fascinating style. Really well-written. If this really is true, I hope everything works out for you.

The tone really didn't suit this. The dialogue was good. It sounded real, but the narrative didn't. When you're writing in first person, the narrative should sound the same as ...

Definitly a good effort if you haven't been writing poetry for long. Personally, I didn't like the rhythm too much, but the ideas were good, though that doesn't mean it's ...

Not bad, but kill the prologue. I really don't think you need it. There are much better ways of getting out that exposition.

I hope I don't sound really whiny, but why are so many people looking at this but not replying? I really could use some feedback.

Not bad. I would definitely encourage developing the idea a little more, though I don't have any siggestions at the moment. Grammar note: "What's that?" he asked. Not "What's that?" ...

Please. Break it up into shorter chapters. This is far too long to be one chapter. And actually, if you click edit, you can add to the piece directly rather ...

It needs more than dialogue.

It's okay start. I don't want to say anything that has already been said, so here's my suggestion. Tell us what Tinloseph looks like. You say that he's a toll, ...

Actually, the fact that they are real people could be the problem. You know yourself and the other people so well that you don't realize you're not including enough details.

Fascinating topic. I am so on your side with this one. Great work.

That's an okay idea, but shouldn't someone write an opening and put it int the storybook section?

Not bad. But shouldn't this be in the nonfiction section?