Published December 13, 2004
I wrote this poem at work, about work. (I'm working at a CompUSA)
language pg-13
Cutting Edge
Wireless, high-speed internet
Bluetooth, PDA, HP, PalmOne
plays mp3, wva, avi, and bmp
Windows Compatable!
check stocks, collect porn
All from a microchip that we
(for a small service fee)
will shove up your nose
It may sting a bit,
but what's pain
in exchange for being
on the Cutting Edge?
Only $$ 249.99 $$!!!
(After mail-in rebate)
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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140,854 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
What does all this mean?
It's not compatable; it's compatible. Change that.
Otherwise, I loved it. My dad got one of those PDAs and it was telling it the directions to our hotel on one of our trips. So what if he was fiddling with the PDA and driving 75 mph? Everything was under control, right?
*keffkeff*
Anyway, good job. The revisions you did helped greatly. Just fix that one spelling error and everything will be okay.
Fascinating topic. I am so on your side with this one. Great work.
I thought it was HILARIOUS...it's really cool! Very true to life...*lol* I enjoyed this. Keep it up! (K, I know that was lame...)
Hmm, yeah, I loved the ending and the rest really kept me reading but what was really the point to it? Although I liked it and it was really alive, some parts were just dumb.
Overall I liked it, and it seemed like a really, I mean REALLY fast part of a song. Yeah, it was pretty good.
Tis the only part I really liked.
All right, all right, for my first critique...you shall be my victim!
Actually, I like it, which is odd. I usually start off with I ejoyed this but this could have been done better...but I'm not this time.
Cutting Edge
agree with gala, don't start off with this line, it doesn't quite fit with the rest of the piece
Any particular reason you capatilize some lines and not others?
Nice about nose shoving there, not the other end, which is over done.
Oh too true!
All in all, lovely ending, but, once again Gala rox my sox, and I agree. Add an end thing about warning, or not responsible, some executive loophole and this will be perfect! Way to go!
Tee hee...you my HEEERO.
Okay...
By a piece of shit
that you don't need------> (I like this...but what add would HONESTLY start this way. It makes the sarcasm too obvious.)
wireless, high-speed internet
Bluetooth, PDA, HP, PalmOne
plays mp3, wva, avi, and bmp
Windows Compatable!
check stocks, collect porn
All from a microship that we----> (You mean microchip?)
(for a small service fee)
will shove up your nose
It may sing a bit,-------> (Sting?)
but what's pain
in exchange for being
on the Cutting Edge?
Only $$ 249.99 $$!!!
(After mail-in rebate)
I think it'd be cute if you added one of those tiny tiny tiny print footnotes, you know? Microsoft is not responsible for.....etc. etc. But it's up to you.