Rei

I didn't find it all that funny. I dunno. Maybe it would be better if you started at the beginning of the story.

What a fabo name for a pencil! My mom teases me because I'm attatched to my pencils. Sometimes she'll ask me if they have names. Maybe I should name one ...

Well, that was depressing. But it's a well-expressed idea and Coke is a great metephore for it.

It seems like the problem with the flow is that you're using some long sentences. Try rewriting it with very short sentences and sentence fragments.

I wonder how Snape would look if someone shaved his head. Hmm, something to consider, isn't it.

Yuo really are mad.

Yeah, I'll have go with what Mesh said. All this really needs is to slow down and be expanded upon a little.

This is fantastic! The rhyming was worked in so smoothly that I hardly noticed, and you expressed your theme wonderfully, without being obvious.

Oh, don'tcha just hate it when you have to do creative writing for school. It's the worst. Especially length restrictions

What she said. And as for the last line, that depends. Sometimes I see in books where they use older dialects of English they'll use the "to be" verbs differently ...

Yes, I can see why you normally don't write poetry. But this isn't terrible. It amused me.

I'd say that this is a good skeleton for something bigger. Expand on it, use images and mataphores, etc.

I think he's both. Spilt personalities are fun.

Well, I'll consider it if more people say I should.

That's partly because I skipped some chapters. Didn't really feel like posting them. I wasn't even going to post this part until I read it at a library event and ...