Rei

I'm really liking where this story is going. I don't know why I never read much of your work before now. The characters are hilarious. And you have excellent dialogue. ...

I agree with KJ. For how much you have happening, this is far too short. You have about two pages here, but it should be at least four or five. ...

Again, I'm not going to give you any real critique on this. Because of the nature of it, it's really not appropriate. I really enjoy your style, and were this ...

Oh, yeah, this really draws you in. I know a bunch of people thought it was fiction when they read it, but the way you wrote it, I could tell ...

I stopped after the first couple of paragraphs for one reason. In the second paragraph, you introduce a random "him." I have never seen this done effectively unless "He" is ...

My one issue with this is the rhyming. You've got a fair rhyming scheme at the beginning, and the words are reasonable well chosen, but it drops off less than ...

This didn't really make much sense to me. What point were you trying to make? WHy was the speaker proud? And what does this have to do with the otehr ...

I'm with hekate girl about the paragraph that she intrducer herself in. The best exposition is worked in subtly throughout the action or in dialogue. You could have Isabella tell ...

Welcome. And congrats on your bravery for posting a poem to let us rip it apart. I'm more of the prose critiquer, but I like to make a few comments ...

Yeah, it was a bit silly for me, too. I'm sure you could keep the same spirit and still have some more descriptive details here so I could have a ...

It was sweet. I think I liked it more because of how much it reflects my life and what I hope will happen. Anyway, if you want to improve this, ...

However, how does she know the baby is a girl? How far along is she? It takes about 18-20 weeks before the baby's gender can be determined and by then ...

I think what you need with this is a better grasp on who the character is. There needs to be a reason he ends up this way. Maybe if you ...

It still needs some more spacing out. Every time you would hit tab, leave a space between the paragraphs instead. it's still pretty awkward to read. And you should have ...

You've got some nice atmosphere and tone here. All the words were well chosen for the effect I think you were going after. It held my attention well, and I ...