Pickle810

There was something about the first part "eating as modestly as he could" that sort of bugged me, even though the whole piece was really superb. You've got a lot ...

Please please please post the next chapter! The only real thing I didn't like about this one was how Attaraya spoke at the beginning. "Chill" was one example. Because this ...

You could have the council people decide the nedra was all Emma's fault and send her to Naroth to face some kind of higher dealing with power, perhaps? or not. ...

Overall, really good. I've only got a second, so I'm just going to tell you what I don't like. The dialogue. It seems fake, presumptious (hope I didn't over-mangle that!), ...

Great story. Only one thing eally bothers me- that very last part with the "bubbled waves". It just annoys me. bubbling, bubbly, something like that maybe. because waves isn't in ...

Strange, yet compellingly humorous. I loved Bessie. She made the tone less "from the darkest and most random parts of the brain" and more "what would happen if the service ...

I liked the repetition. I think, as you might be able to tell from teh reviews, that there are about a hundred types of poetry preference, and half like repetition, ...

I love the names! And the MC's conflict with her own name, which gives her depth and whatnot. I'm thinking that maybe there should be a little more description of ...

This was good. But are Barbara and Paul going to be major characters? Because, if they're not, then if might be good to cut out some of their dialogue and ...

That story was disturbing in a good way, if you can understand. I like the way you think about the dialogue, and understand the character. The story's that kind of ...

The story was good, yes, but it still needs some work, mostly with commas. It's as though you were in such a rush to get it all out on paper, ...

The story was really leading, once you got past the just slightly annoying font everything on here has. Why don't they do indentations, anyway? But whatever, what I want to ...

Some of those details are interesting, and good. I'd like it if you could add a little more backround, a little less dialogue, although the dialogue set a great tone. ...

What's remarkable about thisis that it's so strongly written. I feel like you've been in the character's shoes. This was a great job! I'm not sure if all the white ...

You said "Still the dark figures remained indefinite" which didn't make a lot of sense. 'Indefinite' is usually used like, "We gazed into the indefinite darkness of the cave...". I ...