PhoenixBishop

Phoenix lands for a review. I liked this. It was a reader friendly piece. By that I mean, I read it from start to finish without getting bogged down and ...

Phoenix lands for a review I liked this, but let's nit pick a little. The Writing: The point of view was okay, but I think at times it was too ...

Phoenix lands for a review Writing: I cannot stress enough show don’t tell. They way you have written It is, very passive and detached. Right now you have huge section ...

Phoenix lands for a review. Writing: •This may just be a personal preference, but try not to start with dialogue. It puts the reader into a situation without anything. All ...

Phoenix lands to review. Okay overall I liked this. My only comment is that you should connect things better. For example in the dream she notices the destruction and the ...

Phoenix lands for a review I grabbed onto the shirt of a one of a complete stranger. awkaward He turned and glared at me scornfully, snatching his shirt away like ...

Phoenix lands to review And flee did he, with his child in tow . that would indicate that she is following him. A new born can't follow people. Also you ...

Phoenix lands to review I saw the faces of those I knew. I wandered why they looked right through me. This seems a bit wordy in comparison to the rest ...

Phoenix lands to review Desmond Rabell was the star of the basketball team. He got decent grades too, at least good enough to keep his parents off his back. He ...

Phoenix lands to review I'll nitpick a little “Liliah works part time at a diner so she never really had the time to come met meet “Okay.” I gave Lucas ...

Phoenix lands to review It hung; pretty and rare against her pale skin. I don't understand the word choice The girl looked up at her sister, her eyes were dead-empty ...

Phoenix lands for a review. Okay the others got the nitpicks down. But I'll see what I can catch. . Veiyloxx was a young boy, well really a man, who ...

Phoenix lands for a review. "Late? Late for what? Do you need to go somewhere." Let's face it by now any high school level teen knows what this means and ...

Phoenix lands for a review We stood up on the balcony watching the mess that we created. There was a brawl happening before us, a brawl of our doing. We ...

Phoenix lands for a review. In air... I don't think the ellipses are needed the formation of putting the two words alone make the break. Tell of a vision, Me, ...