PerforatedxHearts

You've got some minor grammatical errors such as punctuation, your use with commas, etc. Here's a random sentence I noticed: "Well, you guys always bug me. And are always on ...

Becky left me at that, and slipped through the double doors marked EMPLOYEES. I had been waiting there for three minutes when a young man, about 17, walked through the ...

I think, with the beautiful word choices you've made in your little story, it could be expanded... That is, unless you're planning to make it some sort of crazy prologue ...

Love. The one feeling everyone in the world wants to witness for themselves at least once in their lifetime. This could be condensed into 1 paragraph. Otherwise, you're confusing the ...

Hey! “It’s just a shame that the weather couldn’t have been better,” my mother pipes up behind me as she adjusts my veil. Now it seems like you're overdoing on ...

I think everyone covered what I wanted to say, haha. They only missed the part where they were SUPPOSED to say that they cried. Well, I did. Kind of. Teared ...

“Ian I can’t get down!” Kali yelled from the highest branch of the oak tree. Comma between Ian and I. “Yes you can. Just go down one branch at a ...

Pretty much everyone has said it for me. But I laughed my butt off on this one: “Babe,” he said, the same look coating his features. “Are you okay?” No, ...

Have you ever wondered what it's like to kiss your enemy? To kiss the person you have loathed all your life? I did. It reminds me of those test essay ...

This was my favorite part: Tyler. Tyler Daily. Tyler Daily Simms. My best friend. No more. My boyfriend. No more. My fiancé. No more. My absolute favorite part. I liked ...

Ditto the quote above, and; My hair didn’t flow like goddess anymore What do you mean, it "didn't flow like goddess"? What goddess? From HERE: Why do I let myself ...

[i]She layed in bed slowly losing awareness, slipping into sleep. She wasn't sleeping, but she wasn't awake. She was laying in between consiousness. Her spirit floated between reality and the ...

Not bad, not bad. I liked it. Your sense of dialogue really fit the story- it was sweet, sort of brings some nostalgia, and realistic enough but also got your ...

March third, two thousand and eight. Please. Don’t spell out ‘2008’. It sounds really, really awkward. That was when everything changed. Hopefully so. After all, isn’t that what stories are ...

Thirteen Reasons Why and Crank are great books. Crank is a different kind of prose, though. Different format. It sort of reads like a regular book, but it's separated into ...