NaRachel

Ok this is awkward because i just accidentally "liked" my own piece :/... i don't know how to "unlike" it so i just wanted to make sure people didn't think ...

Soooooo funny! Thanks for the laughs :)

Thanks so much for all your help everyone. Your looking so closely into it that i'm ashamed to say that i don'y even know what was going on. I was ...

Great start so far :) i like the ryhtym of the words you've got going and i really like the second line so continue writing it and well done!

Thanks so much everyone! Your reviews were both helpful and encouraging and made me think of things i didn't even know were a part of poetry :)

I love it! Its dramatic and exciting and it rhymes! Very sophisticated i can't find a problem with it so well done!

Thanks again for reading:)

I'd failed to see the dust particles :)

Hey thanks for the spelling tip. Sorry but i don't think i'm quite up to broadcasting myself on youtube i'll let you know if i change my mind though

Thanks Ilovebubbles123 I admit i was starting to doubt my writing abilities and to hear your compliments made my day :)

Hey any chance you can help by reviewing my work. I only joined this site yesterday and nobody had reviewed anything for me...

I think it's a great start to a story. The description of the girl really creates an image in your head. I just want to know what happens next. :D