Young Writers Society

Thanks so much everyone! Your reviews were both helpful and encouraging and made me think of things i didn't even know were a part of poetry

Hello.

First of all, I really liked this. You said you didn't do poetry that often, well, now that I've read this, I'm hoping you make more. I think you achieved much in terms of both message of this poem and imagery used as well.

The only thing I think you can improve on is the formatting of this poem. The way its formatted now makes it sound really choppy when I think you've written and chosen words that really make this poem flow. I think the first thing you can do is not to capitalize every beginning of every line in this poem. It becomes a little jarring to read when each line begins like a sentence. Capitalization is a great tool in poetry and I think in a poem such as yours, you can use it to highlight important words in your poem which will get your point across stronger.

Another thing that will help this greatly is punctuation. Punctuation will definitely improve the flow of this poem. It can also be used to draw the reader's attention to the really important parts of your piece. Punctuation will also give your reader breathing space. As your poem is now, I don't really know where one part ends and another begins, so it can get confusing.

Aside from that, I really think you did a good job. I loved the concept behind it and I really liked the way you executed it. I'd love to read more from you.

--Nixie

Nice. Even more so for one who doesn't dabble in the form frequently.
Editing first:

Limited are the capabilities of a person
futile are our attempts
to be anything more than just
human. The sand runs through our fingers #FF0000 ">and
like a child
clumsily we bulldoze
our mighty skyscraper#FF0000 ">-like sandcastles
with just one fist
as we desperately try to make up
for time lost
by lost mistakes onlookers watch
from years in the future
#FF0000 ">as they try to rebuild the world #FF0000 ">which once
#FF0000 ">not overpopulated with children.

I really like the third line, it flows really well into the next line and I just really like how dramatic it makes the whole thing. But it's a really beautiful piece. You said that you didn't do poetry too often but I think this piece is fantastic and you should definitely consider writing more =]

I like this. I think it needs more punctuation, but I can see the rambling sentence thing you have going on here. Nice. I would just move the beginning of the second sentence to another line.
Overall, pretty solid.
And I think the world is "overpopulated" but I could be wrong.