Myth

Green = Comment Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * He shuffled through her pack as if glad of his protective rubber gloves, and every time he looked at her, ...

I second Squallz. You seem to ramble on a while and your sentences run into each other, making it difficult to know where to pause or carry on. If you ...

Green = Comment Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * Ever since I was small , I remember frequenting the local graveyard nearly every day. I know a lot of ...

Green = Comment Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * If it had not been for the desk, and the things that were placed on it, and the chair that ...

Green = Comment Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * Manizha was halfway aware of the fact that there weren’t often tornados in Washington State. Makes sense without the ‘often’. ...

I don't remeber this episode very well but your version doesn't seem to be different from the episode. You could have added your own conclusion, the kissing scence sounds cliché--the ...

Green = Comment/Correction Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * Smiling, the waiter strolled over to the table three down and filled the white china cups with tea. A minor ...

To be honest I liked the last three paragraphs much more than the beginning where it bored me, mainly because it was like something I’ve read before but I kept ...

There are quite a few typos you’ll find easily. This was weird, only way I can describe it really, and seemed to go from one scene to another—the way things ...

Isn’t Natasha and Natalie the same name? You tend to repeat things like ‘bus’, for example: The bus driver was somewhere on the bus dealing with some kids who were ...

Standing at the alter were four figures, three men and one female. One man named Damalis, who was no older than sixty years, stood in front of one of the ...

Hello! It was hard to understand, at first, with all the 'we' this and 'they' that, also a bit annoying as it started to become repetitious. You switch tense, using ...

I don't have anything to critique, got here to late, but you should try not to begin every paragraph with 'I', which can be done so easily! I also loved ...

Hello Nyame! It has been while since I read the first part, went back to it so I could remember the character names. Leslie is just like my brother, he ...

Green = Comment/Correction Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * “I'm not stupid... sweetheart. Why would we make bread at midnight you nutcase ?! ” The elderly lady replied smugly. ...