MissGangamash

Hey, saw this in the Green Room and I love reviewing first chapters so here it goes! I like how you've jumped into the story and given the reader questions ...

I saw this in the Green Room with no reviews so thought I'd come and give my thoughts. Okay, so the first paragraph... you could cut that down a lot. ...

Hey! Saw this in the Green Room so thought I'd check it out! 'Where he got rid of sweat, grease and grime replaced it.' - 'Grease and grime replaced the ...

Saw this in the Green Room and saw that it was a first chapter which are always fun to review! So I'm gonna review as I read and then give ...

Hey! I saw that you're a new writer on here so I thought I'd check this out! I'm a little confused... The way you use short sentences is quite jarring. ...

Happy Review Day! I saw this in the Green Room and first chapters are always great to review so here it goes! Okay, this is incredibly bleak. I don't mind ...

Happy Review Day! Okay, a couple spelling mistakes 'Shown' = Shone Your = you're (you are= you're) Gaurd = guard Pitty = pity Okay, onto the story. Is the first ...

Hey, I'm here for a review! I like this twist on the boy who cried wolf story, but I think the ending, about it all being a fantasy kinda ruins ...

Hello! It seems IcyFlame has gone quite in depth with their review so I'll just do an overall thoughts kinda review. Okay, there's a lot going on here but it ...

Hey! I saw this in the Green Room so I thought I'd check it out. First of all, you're never too old to find the faerie folk interesting. They just ...

Okay, so I saw this in the Green Room so I thought I'd check it out and... I'm confused. I'll talk a bit about structure and just the writing in ...

I'm not so great with poetry so I can't really talk about the technical side. I did think 'fires will flood' sounded a bit off? Because I feel like flood ...

Hey! Just thought I check this out because it was in the Green Room. I think this is an interesting premise that you could work with into something longer. The ...

Hey! I saw this in the Green Room and seeing as its a first chapter I thought I'd check it out! Okay, the first couple of sentences feel a bit ...

Hey! I saw this in the Green Room and thought I'd come to check it out. I thought the beginning paragraph was very interesting. Personally, I would remove the 'Ting ...