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Palace of Roses

by Hinata2005


The Place of Roses

She looks and breathes. Look’s and breathes that intrigues me. Her beauty is nothing like I’ve seen before, as I have driven many women, famous and non-famous women. She says nothing until her destination. Her long hair, shines from the sunroof and softly says,

“Merci”

In a French accent as she leaves and properly shuts the door.

I wait, and wait, as a chauffeur does, until I see the lady in a red dress. Appears. Not able to take my eyes off her as I bow and follow.

I start to drive and respectively asked,

“Ma’am where shall I take you?”

She looks and says nothing.

So, I take her. To the palace of roses. The palace of roses that only women in red dresses shall go. A dream. A paradise that opens to those in favour of love and pride.

She sits and stares into the distance. Breathes in the fragrance of roses and stares as I slowly bring a glass of wine. Red wine. As I pour, every drop explodes like a million stars, startling her, however, not in fear, but in curiosity. Fear shall never extend and grow in a relationship in between two people.

So, as we sit. She sips. Small portions of the start struck liquid, and smiles.

A smile of relief, that’s so bright, a million roses start to bloom, all at the same time. As she watches those roses bloom.

She rests her warm head onto my shoulders. The glass of wine drops. I carry her and she unfolds.

Her problems and worries fly like birds and new seeds of life are planted. New opportunities and a new lover. For I shall be that lover, not a controlling dictator but a true lover

I keep on walking, distant and far, until I drop with her in my arms.


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Thu Jan 07, 2021 11:40 am
PHEONIX RISES says...



It was worth reading a short , simple and sweet story!




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Sat Jan 02, 2021 11:57 am
Hinata2005 says...



Hi, Thank you so much for your comments, I absolutely appreciate it!
If you want to read more of my works, get the app Commaful. I seem to have a problem with publishing my other short stories/poems on this site so get the app and continue reading. My name is kageyama22 on that specific app and i look forward to reading more of your
comments.
Happy New Year!!




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8 Reviews


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Sat Jan 02, 2021 12:58 am
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TheRandomWriter wrote a review...



This is just amazing jesus you had me swept away.

This is nothing short of something that I can say I wanna read more of!
Each and everyword I'm swept away.

Many other people may not understand your words but I do and I love the way you painted a picture in my head.

although this is a nice peice of poetry you do have the ability to become a thriving author.
I'm new here and I wanna grow aswell.
I think maybe you could fully make out the characters and maybe then make a story out of this.
But don't let me tell you what to do, poems are welcome here to, and I'm not one to judge I write poems to.
Anyways happy new years and good job I'd like to see more.




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201 Reviews


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Fri Jan 01, 2021 2:01 pm
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MissGangamash wrote a review...



Hey! I saw that you're a new writer on here so I thought I'd check this out!

I'm a little confused... The way you use short sentences is quite jarring.

'Her long hair, shines from the sunroof and softly says,

“Merci”

In a French accent as she leaves and properly shuts the door.' - this can all be one sentence as the dialogue is in the middle.

'...until I see the lady in a red dress. Appears.' - why is 'appears' in a separate sentence?

'A smile of relief, that’s so bright, a million roses start to bloom, all at the same time. As she watches those roses bloom.' - the punctuation in this sentence is also odd.

It would help the reader is you specify the change in location. I get at the beginning they are in a car of some sort, and then they get to the palace - but where are they in the palace when they are drinking? Where are they sat? Does he escort her there? Are they arm in arm? Where does the wine come from?

The way it reads, they're in the car and then they appear in the palace. There is no transition.

Also, it would be good to clarify what is actually going on. You mention the narrator takes women in red dresses to this place, so does this happen every time they go there? Are they some sort of escort service? That's what I'm getting but I could be wrong. If it is so, a little more hints would be helpful, and if I'm wrong, a lot more hints would be helpful XD

Anyway, I like the idea and your imagery of the roses. But it'd be good to know where they are seeing the roses from to get a clearer picture.

Happy New Year and happy writing! :D





"You may deem me romantic, my dear sister, but I bitterly feel the want of a friend."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein