McMourning

Hello, again, Lakshmi. It's a cool idea to write about the different definitions of friendship we have throughout life. Together we play And the things we clay I saw what ...

Hello. I enjoyed all the descriptions. You really helped me visualize the story. I was also able to understand what was going on without going back and reading your previous ...

Hello, Arisu. I disagree with IcyFlame. I like how you separated it. There are two people telling this story, right? If so, you do need to keep them separate. I ...

Hello, emmylou. I agree that the first paragraph really draws the reader in. The scene with her father in bed was also realistic and painted an image in my head. ...

Hello, Alice. Hmm...It's interesting and creates suspense. I want to know what the spirit said to Winnie after the others left. As a reader, I would be compelled to read ...

Hello, Emalily. The prologue is interesting. It grabbed my interest. Did the King really tell his son not to care? But the prologue was also hard to read through. First ...

I like it so far. You had short, easy to read paragraphs that flowed. I agree with Kenzie, though, that you might be able to add more detail. This part, ...

Hello, Lakshmi. It was a good start. Have you thought about rearranging the stanzas? I think the last one might be better as the first. You say that you hope ...

Hello, I think the lyrics already make you think. You're posing questions, not just telling a story like some songs do. I especially like the ending. I'm not sure, though, ...

Hello, roostangarar. I didn't expect it to be funny, but it was. I thought the tanned "sweetheart" was funny. It was also a funny surprise that the sergeant was in ...

Hello. The first stanza caught my attention, which it should. There was nice imagery throughout your poem. At first, I thought your title was a typo, but you used "inure" ...

Hello, AngelMarie. I don't usually like stories that change point of view, but I liked this. IcyFlame is right that they were told similarly. It may be difficult to make ...

Hello. I enjoyed reading this chapter. It moved quickly and you seem to have a good handle on the characters. I just have a few minor changes... Thrashing on the ...

Hello. To be honest, I was expecting a longer poem. I know that feeling and I know you could write more about it. You feel nothing. You're not getting the ...

Hello, I agree with both of them. It's a very nice poem that doesn't need critiquing. After reading it, I went back and read the spoiler. I sort of see ...