Published August 19, 2011
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138,958 Literary Works • 672,365 Reviews
I like this story. Vivian is a daring girl, I see. She seems pretty unique to me already. I'll be looking forward to reading the rest of the chapters when you post them. I'm intrigued about what's going to happen next. Oh, do post chapter 3 soon. It's so interesting.
I love the idea. This story is very refreshing. I have a question, can the shapeshifters shapeshift into different humans too or just animals?
I like the idea that you kept it short. More poeple are going to read it and once they do, they're going to want to read more.
Okay...I was going to be serious here until I saw Anchor's avatar. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
*cough, cough* Ok...I'm going to be serious.
I kind of like this chapter. The only thing I don't like is it seems a little short. Like this chapter could have been longer. I do want to get to know this girl more because to me, she just seems like a rebel. Also, if she ran away than she must be thinking of a plan to do by now just to run away. That's the only thing I will note on. Other than that, it's good but in need of a little work. Keep writing and Good luck.
I like it so far. You had short, easy to read paragraphs that flowed.
I agree with Kenzie, though, that you might be able to add more detail. This part, in particular, stands out to me.
This is telling us, not showing us. Instead, you might say, I could tell from his eyes. They were completely black and resembled a wolf. The tails were on the outside, pointing towards his ears, and the snouts pointed towards his nose.
Is that how they look? We as readers want to know.
MM
Hi I'm Kenzie. ^-^
There should be a comma before the quotation mark.First of all, I liked it. However I felt that in a lot of places you just dumped all the information at once. To the keep the story more interesting and not to confusing I suggest gradually explaining rather than dumping all the information at once.
Again, comma before quotation mark.
there should be a comma before the quotations, and "He" shouldn't be capitilized.
Throughout the chapter I thought that you could have added more depth- show not tell. Make sure you're in key with the characters senses and everything that's going on and really put yourself into her shoes.
Overall, I think you did a pretty good job! Keep writing!
~Anchor