MaryEvans

“After rubbing the dust from her eyes” Pay attention to whenever you use words like after, when, with, from, very (especially very, keep a very close eye on very) etc., ...

You can’t really evaluate writers block from a factual, unbiased and ‘scientific’ perspective. First, it expresses itself differently for different people. Second, it’s subjective, emotional b

The beginning is a bit sudden. You need at least a sentence or two of establishment before going into dialogue considering this is your first chapter. Also, does this need ...

Why is this chapter one? I mean I looked over your other piece that had a chapter one and a two. Is this a rewrite of those? If so I ...

Read proof it again, there are a few typos left here and there. (For example you consistently say ser instead of her. Or is that some weird play on gender? ...

The first few paragraphs are just exposition, you should leave them out and start where the action/dialogue starts (where the protagonist shows up) and integrate whatever information you need as ...

Let’s start with your opening. It is probably the most important part of the chapter other than the end, and you need to make sure it is both contextually and ...

Look over your opening paragraph, it can be flimsy at time. Also be brief, subtle, don’t harp too much on how many times the character has been battered by life ...

The beginning is too sudden, as if we are missing something, I would work on establishing it better. Starting late in the action is good, but make sure you don’t ...

The opening paragraph drags a bit. I think you went too far with the repetition of “today was the day” and so on. A few are cool, but push it ...

I agree with previous reviews that the poems and quotes are too much in the beginning. You want to start where things are happening in the now with the main ...

“was phenomenal” May I suggest better word choice? Phenomenal is kind of odd. Maybe something like overpowering, or overwhelming or paralyzing, or irresistible. Anything really, just not phenomena

“On Spencer’s triangular face were brown hair, brown eyes, freckles, and glasses” some of these things, kind of “are” his face, not “on” his face. Also the hair isn’t technically ...

I do think, that in the current world, two gay parents are much more likely to be tolerant towards the child’s orientation than two straight parents. It’s not as simple ...

“he says and immediately takes off” write it in a way that doesn’t require immediately. It just sounds off and too sudden. Imagine him and his actions after he says ...