Straight {Prologue}

Apologies to all, meant the following to be posted as a review, not a response! My noob mistake. Please accept this republication as means of apology! XD And as a proper review of the above work! All the best!

"This is certainly an interest idea, conceptually speaking, but I have to agree with the other comments in that it is quite confusing. I think what I found most confusing, and which GeoCha already pointed out, is your overriding direction isn't clear. Who's the good guy, who's the bad guy, what are we fighting about in this new and different society and what's the end goal?

Also, like MaryEvans said, the sort of scifi slant is not super solid. This can certainly be amended in later chapters, but you might want to build a more solid base since speculative fiction like what you're proposing here tends to require a bit more reality and a few more hard facts to give it the grounding it needs to be effective in terms of speculation and thoughtfulness.

Definitely an interesting concept though, and lots of room to build a very thoughtful piece around!"

Hello, just a small review, because honestly I had a hard time finding things grammar wise that were wrong. So, I'll go conceptually instead.

First off, I think this is a very interesting and altogether different idea. I can honestly say that I have not thought about the future this way. However, I got a little confused midway through the third and last paragraph, because you didn't really make it clear who won the conflict.

Second, the middle of the first paragraph may, as some other reviewers said, could actually be explained through more action when you get further into the story, meaning, you should spread out the explanation instead of dropping it in one giant chunk in the first paragraph.

Thirdly, I think this is a lot of narration for the first part of your story. Narration is good, but I think it is better to spread it out between some dialogue and showing us rather than telling us what's happening (although I'm sure we've all done it sometimes).

Lastly: I know it's not important at the very very beginning, but I am rather confused as to what gender your narrator is. I got a slight indication with the sentence "For me, it would be a nightmare to turn into a girl, not literally a girl, but from what my dads see, a male in a girl’s body." but I got sort of lost with all of the explanation afterward.

Keep on pushing. I think this might actually lead towards a good story if you just rework some of it.
~
Rocketdog11

I do think, that in the current world, two gay parents are much more likely to be tolerant towards the child’s orientation than two straight parents.

It’s not as simple as transplanting a vagina though.

It begins well but becomes a bit too expository by the end of the huge first paragraph. I’d establish the world as briefly and vaguely as possible and add all the rest through action and interaction.

“how the child would act at that certain age when they would realize that their original parents are gone” that’s actually rather cliché. I know quite a few couples who have adopted and the kids know they are adopted and there’s no issue whatsoever. The kids don’t really think about their original parents, especially at younger age since their adoptive ones are all the parents they ever had. Now when they are teens or young adults it's likely they will explore their roots, but again I don’t see how that will be an issue in a normal family.

Why do they have to get a surgery? I never got that. Are the parents forcing them? If yes how did it come to this in that world? Because even in our messed up reality something like that wouldn’t fly.

“people of opposite sex fell in love and created families together because they knew what true love is” And gay people didn’t? Because that’s kind of what you’re implying. And it’s wrong.

You have to thread carefully when writing with such themes, because you are poking a topic that is still very delicate and can cause uproar on both sides.

Homosexuals are still a very small percentage of the population, and it’s not likely that will change much in the near future, they are a minority, so the chances of them wining a war, any war, are pretty slim.

“the Regulars” Again I will have to object. A regular, or a normal, is a representation of the majority population that has the majority of power. When it comes to women vs men, they are approximately 50:50 therefore when one side gets the power it can supress the other and patriarchy happens. You cannot, however, have a world where the Straights will be so few they will have to go into hiding. In Nazi Germany Jews were about 0.75% of the population, this making it easy to supress, persecute and eliminate. You cannot tell me that in the span of a few hundred years the 85-90% population would have turned into a minority and lost a war and then been persecuted like the Jews. In some small, barely existent country, maybe, in the world at large, especially considering the large Muslim and Christian giants who still condemn homosexuals… yeah, no. And if you turn around and say your word is different and straight didn’t have that much of a monopoly, then there wouldn’t have been a reason for war and persecution. And if they have always been a minority, and would have been persecuted for their weird orientations, there wouldn’t have been a cause for overthrow either.

So if I poke your premise it kind of falls apart. You should rethink your idea, you are definitely getting onto something, but as it is now it can’t stand on its own. Also you have no action or character or anything here, it’s just a bunch of exposition, which is nice for you to have, but can’t stand as a chapter.

Hey, I like this piece, the concept is different and new, and so I'm looking forward to future chapters. I am a bit confused as to a few things though, I'm not sure what side the main character is in. Aside from that, I really feel like you got the character's personality and thoughts across in this piece.

My favorite part had to be the last paragraph.
"Back in the Opposite Genderships era, the people of opposite sex fell in love and created families together because they knew what true love is and wanted to share their happiness with their children in order to pass it down to the newer generations. Gays and lesbians were looked down upon because it was…you know, different in an average society. It was that difference that started the Sexual Defense War, when the two types, gay and straight, went to a huge battle. It was an all out civil war against each other. The politicians didn’t want to get involved in a social matter, but stepping back seemed to be the biggest mistake when a social issue turns into a federal issue. The homosexuals managed to win the title, the Regulars. The heterosexuals received the title, the Straights, which is considered a curse word to the Regulars, kind of like Jews to Christian Germans back in World War II. In order to save themselves, the Straights went into hiding. I wish I could find the Straights though. If found, Straights are either to be killed in the streets by Regulars to run away from the Regular parts of town in order to save their lives. Nobody knows where the Straights hid when they ran, which doesn’t make any sense to me. We know that Straights combine together in clans like wolves or lions. If they are to be discovered, and there is a city full of them at the same time…or that’s what the Regulars would think, city will be burned to rubble. I swear to you this: they will be known to the public somehow. They will be known."

I liked the back story but at the same time i was confused. It seems like the homosexuals have won, and the straight people or heterosexuals have become the minority and targeted. If that's so, I like the switch and uniqueness of the story. I'm also guessing the main character is a homosexual.