the Goldberg School- chapter 1

also this is a rough draft

"...asked Trent was one of his best friends in sixth grade."

I'm sure this is just a typo, but this sentence makes no sense at all. It looks like you changed it, but didn't get rid of the first idea all the way!

The story as a whole is honestly a bit rushed. Just that first bit about setting off the fire alarm and trying to open the locker should have been chunky enough to be it's own chapter. You didn't use many adjectives to describe how these characters looked or where they came from. How did they become friends? Is one the brain of the bunch? The brawn? All I got was that the one kid wears glasses. What shape were they? Is he totally blind without them? I'd use that as potential humor! Are any of the characters clumsy? Who's the 'leader'? I'd really appreciate more character development. There are lots of useful, easy to use websites with lists of character traits and questions you should be able to answer about your character to make them well rounded. Know your characters' favorite color, movies, song, where they were born, their birthday, if they are social or quiet, if they're outgoing or shy, are they athletic...It'd be cool if the characters had more personality. Then your reader would be able to relate to your characters, feel what they feel, pity them, applaud them, etc.

The plot also seems slightly weak. All this for an iPod? There's a typical bully, a cliche new school...Unless this school is really freaky, the plot needs a twist! Perhaps think of a better, more plausible way their first school could have been eliminated...A natural disaster, a chemical spill in the science wing...Or leave the fire, but don't have the kids set it--it feels too convenient.

With a little work, the story will be really good, and the plot will be interesting! Good luck! Keep writing!!!

Okay it needs a more detailed description, like skin tone, and what they wear.
"What on Earth Were you doing," asked his mom? "I Don't care what You're name is."
Josh must not have been too injured because his Mom was yelling at him.

This looks like an improvement, but I do have a lot of things to say, regarding editing.

"...with this?" asked Spencer..."

Put period after glasses.

...to tell Trent the plan, so he started from the beginning.

"Then, we get my iPod back," Josh finished.

"Simple," Trent said.

Get rid of the comma between Spencer and commented.

"Our plan starts tomorrow after fourth period."

"Good history was over." This sentence looks awkward to me.

"Halfway through the break, three boys met in an abandoned hallway."

"When we pull the alarm, we run toward Sam's locker."

"Josh pulled the fire alarm, and they ran."

"...and a puffy fireball just great for setting perfectly good schools on fire. Josh realized with horror that if the school burned down, and people got hurt, it would be his fault, but already the fire was too big to put out."

"...start a fire?" Spencer yelled..."

"...out of here," Josh shouted over the roar of the flames."

"When they finally reached Sam's locker, almost everybody was out of the school."

"Over the last few days, Spencer memorized Sam's locker combination."

Make sure that everyone's name is capitalized. If not, it looks very sloppy.

"Hitting the concrete with their backs scorched, they blacked out."

"...in the bathroom." It was a tribal lie, and his mom bought none of it."

"Uh...huh. You better get some rest for your new school."

"Later that day, they met at Trent's house to discuss the new school situation. Honestly, I would like to see more information in this scene.

"Well, that's a typical school name..."

"You know what? Let's just play video games and talk about this later," suggested Spencer.

"...Goldberg, not Gerber," Spencer pointed out."

Nudging his friends, Josh whispered, "Oh, great, there's Sam."

"Hey, you...Josiah."

"Josh broke in, "Uh, it's Josh by the way."

"I don't care what your name is. Wait, what was I thinking again?" He obviously wasn't the brightest. "Oh, yeah, you want your iPod back, James. Well, come and get it!" About three of his "friends" or goons circled around him and made the universal gesture of punching their fists into their palms. Then, they took a step forward.

...a teacher appeared. "I will have no fighting on the school grounds," the teacher said firmly, "or I will ahve you sent to a different school again, Samuel Malotonus Liekenstrick."

"Oww, apply cold water to the burn, Sammy," Trent sneered.

"...leverage against me," Trent replied.

"Aww, come on," Josh said.

"I'll trade that information for five dollars." They both knew Trent was serious..."

“On Spencer’s triangular face were brown hair, brown eyes, freckles, and glasses” some of these things, kind of “are” his face, not “on” his face. Also the hair isn’t technically on the face, but on the head. Finally, why do you put glasses as a facial feature? Certainly they are a part of his visage but not really the same as eyes.

“asked Trent, tall, with green eyes, was one of his best friends in sixth grade” Doesn’t really transit. End after asked Trent, and continue with “he was tall etc.” Though you shouldn’t really give all the descriptions so bluntly, weave them into the narrative. For example, situate them (you need to do that too), the main is sitting behind a desk, hypothetically, Trent’s thin frame comes to tower over him (hence he’s tall and skinny), his green eyes inspect the page the main is reading. (You should probably mention his name at some point in the beginning too.) See how I don’t have to say he was *this and that* but it still comes across through his action and presence? Again this is a very simple, very crude example, but it’s generally how you want to do things, make them flow, situate the characters subtly, where they are, what they are doing, how they look.

“It was a tribal lie” typo.

“along with some other students” do we need to know this right now? I didn’t think so.

Still feels a bit skinny, but you are making a nice progress in adding details. Now all that’s left is to situate the characters better in their surroundings and smooth out the existing descriptions. So yeah, keep up the good work.