Mad

I don't much like the swing that you take midway. I was happier when you were really just talking about the princess and her being all alone. As soon as ...

Hmmm. Your poem lacks power. I suppose in part it is because of the fact that structure you have. The way you present your ideas is: Action ----> Event But ...

Main problem here is, your narrator's stance isn't believable. Now, sidestory. At my Speech Night, at the end of school, the captains gave a speech in which they said goodbye ...

I don't think that this is as strong as your other works. So hush now and listen well, for this is the only way to tell. Send out your cry ...

Being depressed is tough but writing about it is tougher and when depressed you tend to gurgle out emotions that sound great to you or very true to what you ...

Problems: 1. You're lacking a conciseness and and a cleverness in your phrases 2. You don't approach this idea from a new angle Why is number one especially important here? ...

I really liked the way that you've fractured the lines throughout the poem. I thought that it was extremely effective. And faces drop, smiles fall a million miles, down to ...

I walked through steaming graveyards, my hands feeling the black flowers as I passed by--there was no sanctuary between me and the spreading fog. There were only sagging willows that ...

Haze would seem to be an appropriate title as it does appear to be hazy. First of all your poem seems disconnected. The ideas and description don't seem to relate. ...

You don't seem to have much direction. You have violence against a feeble creature used as some sort of scapegoat but it doesn't offer much else in terms of an ...

Primary problem: It reads more like a paragraph, a paragraph of someone just telling someone else what's happened. I wish you were here in the morning to wake me with ...

Too many farewells. This is all rather unimaginative. You have some sort of meaning, granted, Farewelll those who died in the name of peace and in the name of war ...

I liked the final stanza and some of the second and third. I don't suppose you've ever heard the song "Let The Drummer Kick" by Citzen Cope? It comes across ...

This really just makes me want to applaud. The lexical choice is superb. The imagery is great and you have a clear direction as to what it is that you ...

First off, is it without punctuation for a poetic purpose? (I see commas but no full stops) "in-rhythm inhalation" sounds slightly strange I'm not sure exactly if it works; The ...