I can't really agree with Love2act4ever...
My qualm lied in the rhymes. Your rhythm was fairly consistent with a hiccup here and there. You see, your rhyme scheme lacked complete consistency. I've said time and time again that if you're going to rhyme, make a scheme.
On a more positive note I'd like to say that conceptually I love this poem. It's contemplative, emotional and word choices are exquisite as well as excellent. =D
What I would do here is rewrite this entirely in prose or create a consistent scheme. I recommend writing in prose, however, because you obviously have something to say here... And I fear rhymes may hinder that expression.
Happy Day.
Points: 890
Reviews: 61
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