This is another gem that I wait for from you. I love the fact that you've practically threw away the rulebook that the rest of us seem to follow and go with your own rules. Oh- and FYI, I really enjoyed your piece on YWS radio. It cleared a heck of a lot of things up for me, even when the odd moment here and there with a big silence followed by 'I think Nate died.' So funny. But I digress.
A few things leaped straight out at me like hot coals. Short of sentences that made me really think and try to work out what you were saying-
For example:
tonight my colon
will detonate,
New York City is the only place
we can keep the Christians off the streets.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Very well done! You criticize this generation's vices very well. The word choice is superb, and it cuts straight to the point with vivid imagery. I love it! All the obscure references actually remind me of Allen Ginsberg's "Howl," and if that's what you were going for, then good job.
This really just makes me want to applaud.
The lexical choice is superb. The imagery is great and you have a clear direction as to what it is that you mean.
I'm unsure as to the purpose of the people that you name; Ender Wiggin, from Ender's game? I've read the novel but didn't make the connection till I googled it. F.G. Lorca, a Spanish poet? I had no idea who that was so it may be presumptuous of me to question why you didn't go for a third fictional character. I was interpreting that part of the poem with the later mention of schizophrenia (I do realize that schizophrenia doesn't mean multiple personalities so I supposed that hallucinations could apply to this) and I wonder why you forsake the fictional characters; for I feel that, given Indiana Jones and Ender Wiggin and the 21st Century focus, it's much easier to imagine someone adopting a character than the more obscure F.G. Lorca. I have only skimmed over some of the facts of his life on Wikipedia so it's probable I am missing something of the significance. I just believed that in connection with the narrator who can be called several names and the effect of this being that the narrator could be anyone and thus that everyone could and so, through assumption, does feel similarly has its effect somewhat dampened by the mention of F.G. Lorca someone not so easily accessible. Tell me if I have missed the point entirely.
Giorgio Agamben, someone I had never heard of before. I suppose it is a combination of a lack of reading on my part and probably a greater prevalence in American culture vs others - I assume.
Deleuze and Guattari. Again I had no idea - I understand Freudian Oedipus Cycle, but that is well known. I suppose that this reference would also have some sort of allusion to the Volume it's from Capitalism and Schizophrenia.
Well I suppose I am none the wiser. A small question: is it worth reading? I suppose in a way this is like T.S. Eliot's note after The Waste Land stating that elucidation would be aided by reading such and such. I wanted elucidation then and now - I haven't quite got around to reading the books recommended for The Waste Land but hopefully I shall. Is it similar here?
I'm sorry to focus so intently upon the references but most I didn't know and thought it best to focus upon them primarily (I don't see anything that should be changed elsewhere) because they must have some central purpose to the poem. I suppose this would also give you some sort of insight into a part of your audience (16, English and whatever other inferences you may draw) but I doubt very much I am your intended audience.