Liz

I like this, the simplicity is powerful. I'd suggest reading this aloud and rethinking some of your punctuation. You've used some of the commas inappropriately and I think it breaks ...

Hmm...wow, that made me think. Good stuff. Good tone, but I agree with Snoink that you may want to rethink how the 1st stanza is written. I think you could ...

The Bronze Horseman - Paulina Simons The God of Small Things - Arundhati Roy The Thirteenth Tale - Diane Setterfield The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath Cloudstreet - Tim Winton ...

Mmm, tone is good, it flows well, but I think you need to rethink some of your word choices. The rhyming seems forced in some places, 2nd stanza for one. ...

I like the quirkiness. I agree with carelessaussie, build up some empathy for the character. Your piece is very much character-based, so I think you need to work on the ...

The rhythm really does read like more of a story than a poem. However, if you fix this up I think you've got something pretty good...nice imagery and atmosphere especially. ...

Thanks for the comments guys. Ok, an explanation? Wow...I can try. Basically I wrote this after a late night hanging out with a guy when a few people were staying ...

Very beautiful. You have great storytelling ability. I also loved the last line. Great work!

Yeah, I like the trailing-off style. This one's nice. I think the third stanza starts a little awkwardly, but apart from that it's great.

I don't think it's memorable. Definitely easy to relate to, but you need to make it yours.

Aw, thank you! That's so cool how you wrote and scanned it. I don't usually comment on my own stuff but that was such a nice surprise that I had ...

Wow, beautiful. I love how I can read your poems and understand everything and yet find this layer of mystery. Your stuff is very easy to read, and addictive. Gorgeous ...

I love this. Original and intriguing. I thought you overdid it a tiny bit with all the allusions, but you made up for it at the end.

Yep, definitely cut down the sentences. It will make it read better. I like it though, well done.

Beautiful. Really originally expressed. I loved the joined words especially. The only thing I had a problem with was the last line. It seemed cliched and didn't do the rest ...