Ok, this is just a small thing I wrote cause I didn't have anything to do so, It isn't going to be really good.
I sit here in my purple shorts
Looking at my Power Ranger shoes
I may be thirteen
But I act like I'm two
I run around in the rain
With my cape my mom made me
And I save aliens
With my imaginary friend, Pete
I tell myself, who cares
What other people call me
Loser, dork, nerd, geek
Outcast
It makes no difference to me
Because I know in my heart
I'm Commander Zeke of Arzmak
And that's what I want to be
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
I liked it.
(Hmm. That's all I got for critigueish type things.)
Oh yeah, I think I'm gonna go buy some power ranger's shoes and have my mom make me a purple and green cape. This kid is a style idol.
I like this. Nerds and dorks rule! I loved being thirteen best of all, and I think I'm still in a little world of my own, even though I'm not Commander Zeke of Arzmak.
And the structure was good.
-Twit
This is another good poem. I like this one because it clearly illistrates what the "Narrator" is descrbing. I also like how you describe what this characters imaginery world is and that he beleives in it.
This is a really badical poem. I can completely relate to the kid... perhaps because I'm only fourteen... or perhaps because I am really similar. I, also, have not grown up yet. Either way, I love it. Keep up the good work, and remember that purple-shorts-wearers are in short supply, and should be treasured.
And also, I do not feel that the kid is being set up to seem like a loser, geek, nerd, freak, etc, like carelessaussie said. Just those first few lines made me think, "hey, a nonconformist. I like that." And really, just because a kid is a little different from other people means that he has the courage to find his own path, even if that path means power ranger shoes.
Peace, love, chocolate.
Muffin
I like the quirkiness. I agree with carelessaussie, build up some empathy for the character. Your piece is very much character-based, so I think you need to work on the reader's response to the narrator a bit more. Still, good job.
I really like it. This poem has awesome pontential.
Umm, personally, I think 15 is the best age (lol) !
Keep up the good work, I love your poems
Wild
Hiya Lindsay!
i think this is yur best work it needs just one quick edit then its perfect for the people who feel the same, that what poets do, make the reader feel the same emotions as the author or the character.
Bye LOL
I liked it. It has great potential. It shows that the kid has a great sense of imagination and that he uses it. Ugh, I miss being thirteen.
I personally think this is awesome. Keep it up. And always remember, nerds rock!
Because he is an outcast. That's why He is seen as one in my poem. He's not in pain he just is in his own little world and knows that he is the one to judge himself and no one else
This could work very well, except that you make us, the reader, see this boy as a loser, geek, freak, just like everybody else does. Does this boy really not care what people think about him, or is ot something that pains him? Does he hold contempt for the people around his, and therefore excludes himself? What's his deal? WHY doesn't he care?