LittlePrincess

Hi, I am a huge Harry Potter fan so I am very excited to read your story. Let's get started... I think you need more of an engaging beginning. Describe ...

First of all, I absolutely love the opening, you do a great job at setting the scene. However, the beginning drags on a little bit before getting to "the good ...

Why Hello :) Same Asian eyes. Same chin that I got from my dad. And some Mexican that I also got from my dad. I always knew I wasn’t fully ...

I'm very glad to review for you ^_^ I was eating a big chocolate ice cream, feeling Since you only have two items her you may want to say "and ...

Hi, I just wanted to say that this was really good! I'm not usually into fantasy but I loved your creativness. I also really liked how the different kings thing ...

Wow this is such an interesting idea, I really enjoyed it and it was kind of creepy, in a good way. As for the comment above, I think the spelling ...

The ending was absolutely shocking and intriguing! I really want to read more already. However, the beginning was too vague for my taste. I don't know where you plan to ...

Hey there :) I think the first sentence could be worded a little better to hook the reader, you know? Maybe start with some imagery, describing the thunder and lightning ...

Hey, I read you're last Pepper post and I really liked it. And also I have the same problem as you, I can never motivate myself to actually finish a ...

Wonderful description in the first paragraph... I'm not really sure if Julie has a reason to be so sour towards Nana since she is clearly just helping. Even if she ...

"Julie, sometimes" She didn't finish her sentence. So I assume Nana is saying that, but it is unclear how she is saying that. Is she concerned? But it was cut ...

Charisma is a cool name ^_^ Pay attention to tense. You say Dylan was struggling to pass tenth grade and he is disorganized. And then you say drives Charisma insane. ...

I really like this! Especially because it is just plain truth, rather than built up, fancy language, you know? I also like it because I experienced the same thing on ...

First of all, great way to start it. It intrigued me, a lot. he felt the gold ring and then he sighed Hm, why did he sigh? It seems kind ...

I liked the idea a lot, especially the last line because it is so unexpected As far as flow I would suggest taking out the "at me" from the first ...