This is not my work, this is my friend's so I take absolutely no ownership for this poem. However, I'd still like comments and reviews so I could pass it on. Love it, loath it, live it, trash it.
The face stares back at me.
Wandering eyes like a curious child.
Free from life is his soul from trouble.
Openly, the joy seems lacking from his face.
I stare longing for what I see.
I turn away from the mirror.
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139,604 Literary Works • 672,617 Reviews
Good poem to the friend that wrote this - its not too bad. I agree with some of the others - it could've been longer and if it were there'd be more meaning to it I think, but good just the same. But why do I say its still good even though its short? Its all because of the final line: I turn away from the mirror.
I really adored how the poem ended like that, its a bit of a shock and it made me feel weird. I think that's why I liked it though. I also liked how things are described really well: Wandering eyes like a curious child. Really awesome line. Again, I think if this poem were extended and your friend added in more lines like that, it would be an absolutely amazing piece of work! Please ask your friend to extend it, I really want to see the poem with more curious lines that just make us smile.
Pretty good, but I think it needs to be extended!
I liked the idea a lot, especially the last line because it is so unexpected
As far as flow I would suggest taking out the "at me" from the first line.
I like the similie on the second line.
I think the joy should be lacking from his face rather than just seem it.
As I said, I really liked the concept but some words could be adjusted.
it was indeed short, but, really, what else is there to say? your friend kept it to the point and got the job done. it is hard to write a review on something so small, but s/he definitelyhas talent. why dont you ask him/her to join YWS? Yay, good job, friend!
Huh.
I wasn't remotely sure what this was about. I might just be dense, but I was confused by the wording.I liked that. I really did, it's got a fantastic concept and it's told really well. It's the right length, a little snippet, and it's full of emotion.
I think my only real criticism is the line lengths. Some of them just don't fit right. And the last few lines confused me a little.
However, the ending was impacting and this was written really well, it just needs a little work.
Hope I helped!
~Grin
Hmmm interesting poem to say the least. It was a bit too short for my taste but the message was clear enough in its own respect. Tell your friend he/she did a great job with what he/she had written (how short it was) and that he/her should continue writing!
-Dawn