Lilyy03

As soon as I saw the 40's, I had to read on. ^_^ You might consider putting the character's thoughts in italics, to make it distinct from the narrative portion. ...

I think you did a good job at the beginning of depicting the conflict and chemistry between the two characters. :) But as Elein said, there are some spelling, grammar, ...

(I wrote a long critique for you and then the browser decided to close itself. GRR! :() My main points were: -Your style in general is a bit clunky. I ...

Be sure to capitalize all your I's. Where you have "routes", I think you mean "roots". Not like my teachers constant criticism. Should have an apostrophe at the end of ...

Rain water filled the craters in the gravel on the road. The gutters streamed with the rainwater flowing down into the drains. You say "rainwater" twice, very close together... It's ...

A few little mistakes I spotted-- The bow string snapped back, and a stinging pain went through her arm which made her wince in pain and drop the bow. You ...

I liked this. It's quite meaningful. A few things, though: The first couple paragraphs didn't strike me as being that great. While having some good points (I liked paragraph 3), ...

Your presentation of werewolves is interesting... Though, I do think it'd be a better start for the story if you had a bit more action in there. It doesn't have ...

I've only read part of it, sorry, but here are my thoughts on it so far: I found a lot of it (the beginning especially) to be a bit, mm, ...

On one hand, I agree that parodies of cliches tend to become cliches themselves. But, if one can be creative, engaging, and (perhaps most importantly) funny, it can still be ...

Hmm... I'm not so sure about your portrayal of Hufflepuff. The Sorting Hat's song in OotP mentions that, after the other three had picked out the qualities they wanted in ...

Prologue . ;) If you need a spell check, YWS has one that'll do the trick--just click the button at the lower right corner when you post something. And putting ...

A large mammal of the bird family A mammal, by definition, is a member of the class of mammals. Birds have a separate class. I know it's sci-fi/humor, but if ...

I haven't read Trickster's Choice, though I might since I've heard some good stuff about it... I'm not really a fan of Tamora Pierce, though. I read the first two ...

It is well-written, but I have to agree with Trident that it doesn't capture the terror. It does seem to be written too knowingly... as if the narrator isn't actually ...