Leja

I agree with Trident; get rid of the nonessential words like "please" and "because" and see what you have left, because it sounds rather sappy. That's alright, of course, at ...

When responding, please remember that you are critiquing the poem, not the previous commenters. Please keep on topic. Now on to the poem! The thing about this poem is that ...

Aloha, Eimear! Below are some suggestions for the rhythm; the easiest way to tell if you like the rhythm or not (I think) is to read it out loud :D ...

The first and the second stanzas contrast too much for me. The first half is all about the metaphor, and almost being mystified by it, while the second half is ...

This is a good beginning; the progression of ideals/emotions makes sense but I'd like to see more imagery, especially around the idea of making a home. It's vaguely present in ...

The very first thing I wondered while reading this poem was why we needed to know minute physical descriptions of the people involved. Concentrate more on why they're there: the ...

This is a solid poem, but the first thing I'd have to say about it is that it's just too blunt. Not blunt in the sarcastic way that it's often ...

After reading this poem, the only thing I can ask is "So what?" So far, it only tells the *what* of hypocrites, rather than the *why* which is so much ...

This poem read like it was trying to impersonate lyrics but didn't quite want to (the second stanza especially). In all, I'm kind of confused. I like the first stanza ...

This poem reminded me very much of Phantom of the Opera, which is both a good and a bad thing. It's a good thing because everything makes more sense to ...

You know, in my opinion, the stand-alone-line saves the poem. Up until that point, everything seems very static; statements of images that are put out there and then just fall. ...

This poem doesn't sit too well with me simply because it goes in so many directions. At the beginning, it talks about a house, and I assumed that this house ...

Parts two and three were cool for the way they sounded, esp: "my mistake: dark, quixotic night, skies that fall on tall, metal buildings like rain", but there were other ...

This is not a very clear poem from the beginning. It's as if it's too sparse to get its meaning across. Throughout the entire poem, I'm not sure what's being ...

The first stanza had the best rhythm, and was perfect to be said out loud. But by just the third stanza, this concentration seems to disappear. The lines seem more ...