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Re: Is the English Language sexist? (Essay)
Even though the following are criticisms, I do think that you made a good argument overall =) This essay apologizes too much for itself. If you're going to make a ...
Sep 29, 2010 -
Re: Dust Dawn
I really like the opening two lines. After that, I feel like I'm reading a ton of exposition but getting nowhere near any kind of point (until the line "Silence, ...
Jun 7, 2010 -
Re: See
The cuts in my paper thin, paper skin hold messages- This is a great way to begin! You've got a great sense of pacing here. I also like how you ...
Jun 7, 2010 -
Re: Lost Eyes
This poem relies on the idea that there is something (presumably, the same soul that is named at the end) that can physically be seen by literally looking past a ...
Jun 7, 2010 -
Re: The Ultraviolet Catastrophe -- Summer Poetry 2010
Dear Kylan. I have been away from the site for a while, and as such, have not read any of your poetry during that time. Lo and behold, I come ...
Jun 7, 2010 -
Re: Tears of Blood
This poem is very general. It focuses on a vague group of people throughout a vague timeframe. The point seems to be that I ultimately empathize with the subjects, but ...
Jun 6, 2010 -
Re: Old Poem Dump I
The first one is cute, but it made me kind of mad because the first two stanzas were such a great set up, and the third stanza (mostly the last ...
Jun 6, 2010 -
Re: Walls
I think this poem might benefit from longer lines. For example, something like "High above trees I may rise / Or a small sapling may be my size". Right now, ...
Jun 6, 2010 -
Re: The Awakening
Given the title, I immediately think of the Kate Chopin book. I have never read it (yet!) though, so if there's some link between the two, it's been lost on ...
Jun 6, 2010 -
Re: Stupid Tattoo Room
Woo you, somehow Live up to your stupid tattoo ^ LOVE the internal rhyme here! I think I liked it so much because in this poetic moment, a few different ...
Jun 6, 2010 -
Re: Your Voice
Aww, this was sweet =) There's not much going on here in the way of formal technique, but who's to say that's always a bad thing? I'm just pointing it ...
Jun 6, 2010 -
Re: 'Tonic for Silence'
Eh, I was with you up until you started talking about bowel movements. Then... not so much, haha. On a technical level, I like the way you followed words down ...
Jun 6, 2010 -
Re: an esquisse of the sun
To be perfectly honest, the first line pulled me in. Not because it had anything to do with me, but because it immediately gave me an image and a connection ...
Jun 6, 2010 -
Re: Don't Hate The Gamer Scene Two
I really like how you're visualizing the stage at the beginning of this scene (the yell of "WITCH!" crossing over from the living room to the girls at the mall)! ...
Jun 5, 2010 -
Re: Don't Hate The Gamer - Scene One
My main concern for this scene is that I'm having trouble suspending disbelief. How old are the characters? Do they all live together? If not, it sort of sounds like ...
Jun 5, 2010
