Kim

i found this easy to read, but very confusing. i am not sure what you are trying to get across to the reader. kim

i like the story, but it moves to fast. try adding a little more, even dispcriptions of the people talking. this is very good. i am enjoying reading this. off ...

i agree with what they said above, to short to critique, but a nice start of a poem. i like the idea. kim

i think this is beautiful, i actually like the ryme. maybe because you edited it before i got to read it. normally i dont really like poems on death, but ...

thanks bear , will go back and edit it.

this is so full of emotion, no ryming and no cliche's. this is very good, made my heart ache for you. kim

welcome to YWS your story was very good and detailed. as mentioned above tho, space your writning, it will flow alot easier, and keep the reader going to the end. ...

your poem in no way annoyed me. dont bring yourself down. kim

thanks for you honest comments. i will definately learn from this one.

i really like the first paragraph, but after that it seems that your discriptions are less. try adding more to each paragraph, show that he is gorgeous, not just that ...

This is beautiful, using the discriptions to bring out the emotions really works. i found myself relating to this, as i think a lot of readers will. i really enjoyed ...

this is a very beautiful poem. i completely enjoyed reading it. i like the discriptions you use, and the emotion. very well done. kim

this is beautiful, i really like your choice of words. i truly enjoyed reading this. great job. kim

this is awesome, but i to would remove the commas, it would read easier. keep going, kim

i can tell you wrote with emotion i personally wouldnt change a thing, if you did it would take away from what you were feeling at the time. i loved ...