Kafkaescence

So, thanks for the request! The strides he took from the stairwell to the master bedroom were unconsciously quick and silent. He paused his walking (this is implied) at the ...

I don't understand humans. Good start. They eat, they sleep, they live, they die. [Every life is the same, give or take. You are born, you live, and you die. ...

She ran hot water over her hand. Good start! The blue of her veins turned green in her eyes, This line sounds odd: it sounds too unrelated to the first ...

I am like an apple and you a knife. Cool! You slide into me Reword this. carefully, placing yourself delicately in me. Careful with the adverbs. This one does not ...

When they chained you to your post, How about "chained to your post?" did you think of duty then ? I don't know about this line.... Consider changing it. S ...

It's the beginning of the storm This line could be reworded better. And I'm watching the tempest form Nice! On the earth, the colors lack As the sky turns gray ...

You know what's funny? I wasn't sure. To put things in perspective, let's say that I've had a lot of customers. I can claim seniority over Australia, the Earth Is ...

It's raining again. Great first line. Why do I feel so sad when it rains? I think you could do without this line. Remember: show, don't tell. Fat droplets slide ...

One glance from across the room and immediately my heart fills in the blanks. Careful with the adverbs. Through its carefully constructed facade I notice a sparkle in your eyes, ...

Inside the cave, Nice opening line. is a creature you fear. The image is with you now freezing you in horror. Could be better. Not sure I like how you ...

I roamed my eyes around Never heard that phrase before. while lying back slowly until my head touched the pillow. A lamp, which partially lighten ed up the room with ...

The mask is on… I hide my shame; But who’s to blame If not myself, Here, in this audience of one? Excellent. I love the last two lines especially, because ...

five box cutters, two centerfolds, one fax machine, nine pieces of tape , Nice four opening lines. I'm counting all pieces It took for me to be happy and finally ...

Nice work! This poem is just pure emotion. Normally I tend to like more imagery, but you do a very good job with it nonetheless. The main problem I had ...

I'll tell you about a place that I have known Nice start. Don't think you need the "that." Where the wind blows all night. Where you hear the moaning, high ...