Kafkaescence

Your glowing brown hair, and your ageless brown eyes. You're using "brown" too much. Your sweet voice flowing in air, Too long. Flows badly. that made me realize, Sounds odd. ...

Clevah. Clevah clevah. I sense a Beowolf rival emerging. But Beowulf didn't escape the clutch of criticism. So, unfortunately, neither will this. I like the voice. Based on my measly ...

Normally my criticism with poems that rhyme in this way is that they don't flow too well. But this one pretty much does. So I have a different one for ...

This was enjoyable. My main critique: It sounded really winded, like you were just going on and on without really taking the time to put in commas and periods where ...

So. I'm going to take a wild guess that this is the last chapter. Everything that follows will be based on that guess. This is too short. You aim for ...

The batter was standing, as the boy pitched. Well, duh, of course the batter was standing. As opposed to what, dancing? Change that. The boy on the mound stood tall ...

This is okay, but you're missing something. Rhythm. The lines have a flow that can only be described as jerky. For example: Some say she is rebelling against her parents, ...

I liked Chapter One enough that I thought Chapter Two might be worth reading. Well, since you're you, I knew it would be worth reading. And it was. My critiques: ...

Here we go. Is this a late start or what? How did it take four whole chapters, plus a prologue, to just establish how the two met? But I've already ...

Here I am again! The most obvious problem with the flashback is Eon's voice. He speaks and moves about as if he were, like, 20. I am aware that you ...

Well, that's it for my review. I'll get on to Stormbringer 2 as soon as possible! Don't you think I'm smart? *looks completely clueless* I do. I finally realized that ...

Eh. Well, clever rhyming, I suppose, even if it was a bit annoying. And then you came, my world you changed, My soul, my life , you rearranged. You made ...

Treating depressed comedians? Well. That's original. You'd think comedians would be all fun and games and laughter...but I guess not. Critiques: Juliet looked out the window for the sixteenth time ...

Interesting, I guess. Here's my issues. The rhythm. It's so halted. The lines in this do not flow into each other like they should. Some lines do stand out individually: ...

So. Still developing. Huh. But that's my problem. I've read three chapters so far and I don't even know the problem. I'm a somewhat resilient reader, so I am not ...