Published March 1, 2011
He scares me he does,
If only he wasn't who he was.
Now he smokes weed,
what a terrible deed.
What a terrible deed, indeed.
I am blinded by his new ways,
If only I could go back to those days.
Holding hands, having fun,
whispering in my ear "You're the only one."
Playing truth-or-dare,
twirling my hair.
A kiss on the cheek,
showed the secret leaked.
I wish I had seen that I'd end up with this broken heart,
It could have been fixed, but you stole the other part...
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140,588 Literary Works • 673,542 Reviews
Normally my criticism with poems that rhyme in this way is that they don't flow too well. But this one pretty much does. So I have a different one for you. A little more specific.
This whole part is like a hill on a roller coaster, getting steeper and steeper. If you're going to aim for this, do it more gradually. All it does it disorient the reader when it's used like this.
Hope this helps.
-Kafka
Hey there,
This poem is very cute and very true, people do change and we always reminsce hoping one day we can go back. I can totally relate. Bravo!
My favorite lines:
"I wish I had seen that I'd end up with this broken heart,
It could have been fixed, but you stole the other part..."
Keep it up!!!
xxx Upile xxx
I LOVE YOU! this is really cute tara..just space out your stanzas